Infidelity
by Mystic Mizu
Summary: she's a young soldier, who owed everything to her king, inorder to repay him, she sacrificed her own safety, to know his weakness. a man's strength is his weakness.
1. the greeneyed soldier

**The green-eyed soldier**

_mystic mizu_

He stands there, just staring at his tasteful victory. He knows that with his Escaflowne, his strong, loyal warriors, and indomitable strategies in war, he will never lose. He smiles down at the melef he just defeated.

'_Pathetic' _he thought. Nothing can withstand his knack in swordsmanship. He gets whatever he wants. He wants the soldiers of Moria to help him in his war, he shall get it. He wonders why King Alan keeps on refusing this great opportunity to be on his side on the war. Not only that he will be an ally of the country that has the greatest melef, but also, his country will be safe from destruction. He turns to return to his base, the fight was over, or so he thought. He can still hear striking of blades and scream of his men. He looked astern and saw a melef. He was surprised that his men can't bring down a single melef. He watches it, as it takes down his remaining melef one by one. He's very amused with this soldier, normally, you will run back to your base camp and fight another day.

Curious, he walked towards this soldier, drew his sword and clashed his blade against his. He took it as a sign of challenge, he seemed to accept it. He strike him once more, he blocked it. He's very impressed, not only that he has a knack in swords, but he's very strong too. But he saw his weakness, his guard is weak, blocking a sword up in the air makes his abdomen open and easy to attack. He hastily retrieves his position and hit his abdomen with the handle of his sword.

His back lies flat on the ground. He pointed his sword at him, being an honorable swordsman that his master taught him, he didn't attack him while his on the floor. He wouldn't want such a skillful soldier to die without the world knowing his name.

"Get out of your melef soldier." he didn't move, nor show any signs of obeying his orders. He's not insulted by his behavior, in fact, he's astounded of his loyalty to his country.

"There's no point on fighting, soldier." Within a few seconds, his melef opened. He was expecting a scarred, muscular in middle thirties man. But instead, a young, short-haired, teenaged girl came out of the melef. She gazes up at the Escaflowne with her calm green eyes.

**AN: **okay so this story is an AU. Van declares a war between Moria( OC? I guess, but I created this country, where Alan is the king.) there will be a lot of changes like family connections, then a lot of feuds, decision-making, sacrifices. Please review!!!

Next chapter: **the duel**


	2. the duel

**The Duel**

"_keep your friends close, your enemy closer."_

_mystic mizu_

She stands before ten honorable soldiers, she's wearing a plain sleeveless white shirt ,a blue corset around her abdomen, a knee length brown pants and a simple pair of sandals. They've been murmuring for a few minutes, and she's starting to wonder if this meeting has a purpose. Though she's not looking straight at him, she can see Van Slanzar de Fanel, king of Fanelia, staring right at her. Finally, someone broke the silence.

"What's your name-girl?" he was about to say soldier, but he decided to mock her and call her a girl.

"Hitomi Kanzaki." She answered coldly.

"And what is your position in the military?"

"A mere pilot of a melef." She just want to say out loud that she is a well-respected General in her country, that she is the daughter of the legendary Balgus and she became a General at the age of fifteen. But she knows, that if she give them this information, they'll torture her, until they gain information about their military strengths. But still, she set her mind about one thing: no information will come out of her mouth.

"Surely, King Allen will not waste such a skillful warrior and let her remain to be a mere soldier." This time, King Van spoke. she didn't even took a glimpse at him as he speaks, but she can still see him, sitting, with his back rested lazily, and his fingers intertwined with each other.

"Or your king is so desperate to win this war that he is willing to sent even a young girl to fight his war." Her insides are burning with fury, if only she had her swords she will slice up everyone in this room. But she knows that it will be very stupid to come running at him and simply give him a good punch. She controlled her anger and answered "My king? Desperate? You're the one who's desperate, Van Fanel, you came to us, asking our soldiers to fight for you, to conquer the whole Gaea, you can't do it on your own, so you're eager to fight us until we say yes, because you're hopeless without the help of other countries. But I assure you that none of us will surrender to you, we only serve our gods, and our king."

"We will not tolerate such rude behavior in this room, young lady." One of the council men exclaimed.

"Well said, for a mere soldier." He ignored what his council said.

"Of course, such encouraging words are used to motivate soldiers to fight with all their courage. A job for, a commander, perhaps?" he's determined to squeeze the information out of her.

"I speak in behalf of my country." She glared at him, he smirks at her, he got her where he wants her. She's annoyed, and he's satisfied.

"this meeting is over." He council was surprised.

"But your highness, we-"

"THIS meeting is over." He repeated coldly, and without another word, they left the room. Two soldiers take hold of her arms to escort her to her cell. "Release her." he commanded. Though they are confused, they followed him without any complaint. "Give her sword." She's also surprised with his queer instructions to his men. He waved her hand, signaling them to leave, and so they did. When the soldier untied her, and handed her sword, he drew his sword and pointed it at her. He was challenging her. She's bewildered, but still, this is an opportunity to kill him and end this war.

She drew her sword, he just stood there, waiting for her to attack first. She runs swiftly, but surprisingly gracefully towards him. She strike him from below, he blocked it easily. She gave him attack after attack, her every hit was powerful, and it's getting harder and harder to block. She leaped backward and stood still, guards down, and defenseless.

"This is why I like to fight in a melef." He was surprised that she spoke not because she was being questioned, but she speaks because she wants to.

"they have no idea that I am _girl_, they don't hold back, I win not because they're being a gentlemen, I win because I am a _real_ warrior."

"You want me to take this seriously? I thought that this is just a little spar." He's teasing her, then out of the blue, he dodged towards her. Without any trouble, she blocked every attack he gave her. She's really frustrated, he's not taking it seriously. She blocked another attack, she took hold of his wrist, turned, then threw him.

"I am not weak, don't hesitate to show aggression, or this IS your real strength?" for the first time, she grinned. He's trying real hard not to laugh at her statement, but he can't deny that she's really talented.

"All right." He said. This time, he's faster and his attacks are stronger. She's enjoying herself, blocking his attacks, which is really annoying him. They're both attacking at the same time, defending themselves. Suddenly, without meaning to, he cut through her shirt, that took off her corset.

He didn't mean it. She thought that he's nothing but a sick maniac. He wasn't really expecting it to happen, yet, he can see that she's really insulted by this. He stood straight and grinned at her.

She asserted herself once more. He was surprised that her attacks are faster. Then she wallop him form below, cutting through his shirt, exposing his bare skin.

"In my case, it is fine with me to take off my shirt," he said as he took off his shirt.

"I wonder if you'll feel the same when I cut yours." She smirked. She's daring him, mocking him.

He attacked her once more. And he managed to cut her shirt, but she didn't take it off. Little by little, they cut off each other's pants. They were both tired, then finally, Van sealed his sword. He walked towards the seat where he was seating, he pulled his coat and threw it at her. She covered herself with it.

"Guards." He exclaimed. The guards came in. "take her to her cell." They both grabbed her. Then with this short, but interesting sparing, she saw right through him. An idea was made.

She was alone in her cell. On her way here, there were a lot of whistling and shouting "hey! Bring her over here." She ignored them, because right now, there's nothing in her mind but her plan, surely, it's risky, but it's worth a shot. The night is getting colder, her only source of heat and light, is the single torch at the wall in front of her cubicle. She can hear crickets and howling of wolves. She's starts to imagine how she put this plan into action. She closes her eyes, feeling the gentle breeze touching her face. Then she heard footsteps, light, not too far from her. She opened her eyes.

"General." A man whispered.

"Gaddess?" she walked towards the bars of her cell.

"Let's get out of here before he somebody sees us." He kept his voice down.

"What happened to your clothes?" he looked at her from head to toe.

"Long story." The person form inside the room is completely different from the girl who's talking to him now. She was lively, happy and energetic.

"Let's hurry before the guard outside wakes up."

"I'm not coming." She threw him a pleading look.

"What? But I thought-"

"I know."

"Why?"

"I have a plan."

"Oh no." he stared at her worriedly.

"Don't give me that tone." She warned him.

"what is your plan?" she knows that he don't trust her plans, yet for the past 3 years in training and planning strategies, she was able to keep Moria safe. Gaddess know that this is one of those need-a-lot-of-luck plans of hers, but he has no choice, still she is his General, and he swore that he will follow her orders no matter what.

"I know this will sound ridiculous, I will deceive the king and try to find out what their weakness is." Somehow he's interested in her plan.

"And how exactly are you going to do that?" h looked at her suspiciously. She knows that he'll disagree, cause his like a brother to her. He always looks after her, and tries to protect her from danger.

"I'll charm him."

"you mean seduce him?"

"No, charm him."

"That's just a fancy word for seduce to make it look decent." He completely disagrees, knowing what's between his best friend and her.

"You do know what might happen between you and the king of Fanelia if you do this." He continued.

"And if they find out that you're deceiving their king they'll behead you." He sighed and looked at her sincerely.

"He'll be devastated if I return without you."

"It's the least thing I can do for him, after all the things he had done for me." She removes a necklace with a red pendant and a ring, then gave it to him.

"Give this to him." She handed her the necklace, he stared at it.

"He proposed to you?" she nodded.

"And you're backing out?" he was being hysterical.

"I'm not sure if I'll return, this might take a while, I don't want him to expect too much. Tell him that I will, if ever I get back." He put the necklace in his pocket.

"I'll visit you every night after I return from Moria. Take care of yourself." She smiled at him.

"Gaddess?" she called after him, he looked astern.

"You're in charge now."

"temporarily." He said as he turned and left.

Not so long after Gaddess left there were men shouting "intruder!" and running around looking for him. One guard came to check if she has escaped, he glared at her.

"Where is he?!" he exclaimed. She ignored him. He beat the bars and left. Afterwards a woman came.

"Lord Van asks you to join him for dinner." She sat still on the floor and said "you can tell him to smack his face on his plate, or maybe choke himself with his food." The maid didn't show any annoyance. "He told me you might say that, and he also told me that if you refuse to join him, he'll come down here and finish your duel." She knows what his statement means. He'll come to her and finish cutting her clothes off. Leaving her no choice, she stood and followed the maid.

She led her to an empty room.

"where is he?" she asked.

"You're going to face a king looking like that. There's the bathroom, here is your dress and the cream is right over there." She picked up the cream she was referring to and smelled it.

"So I have to smell like a fruit juice when I face him?" she grimaced at the cream.

"his instructions." Then the maid left the room. She took off her clothes and took a bath. She wonders whether to start the plan tonight, of course, she must not be conspicuous, like being nice to him or being open to him. On the other hand, she wonders why he invited her, clearly he's interested in her, but does he really think that she'll give in to him? As soon as she finished washing, she took the towel and dried herself. She came out of the bathroom half-naked, she picked up the cream and gagged at the smell gag. But if she really wants him to go crazy over her, she might as well do things that she expects a girl will do for him.

As soon as she finished with the cream, she tried put on her gown, she's having a hard time to lace and close the buttons on her back. The maid came in and sighed at her.

"haven't you wore a dress before?"

"No, once yeah." She scratches her head.

'I wonder what he sees in you." She's confused, does she have a crush on him? Maybe not, she's like in middle fifties, it's too impossible.

"He does take home a lot of girl to amuse him, but they're either having long straight hair or big breast. You, on the other hand, are hopeless, you don't even look like a girl because of your short hair." She's harsh and do like to give criticisms. She walked behind her and pulled lace tight. Her abdomen is squeezed; she's having a hard time to breathe. After she tied it, she took a deep breath, which she which she didn't do because it felt like trying to breathe in air through a pea sized hole. She opened the door and waited for her to walk before her.

They went to the room not too far from where she freshened herself. When they entered the room, there's a small table, on a mattress with small pillows around it. He sits at the one side of the table drinking wine. The maid bowed and left. She stood still, they're staring at each other.

"Do you want me to hand the food to you?" She glared at him, but still decided to sit at the other side of the table. She hesitated to eat. He poured wine in a goblet and handed it to her.

"So what is your position in the military?" after taking a swig she answered.

"Why are you so curious about it?" he smiled.

"Why do you keep answering my question with another question?" she took another gulp.

"I'm not going to tell the council whatever we are about to talk about." He refilled her goblet.

"You're not going to believe m anyway." Se was surprise to talk to him so casual. She looked at her goblet and thought that the wine has gone to her head.

"Try me." He took a bit on an apple.

"I'm a General." She answered.

"Impressive, for a fourteen-year-old."

"Fifteen." She corrected him. She took another swig and convinced herself that she must not get drunk. He leaned over and refilled her goblet.

"Are you trying to get me drunk?" she stared at her goblet.

"Well you are quite a drinker." She took another gulp.

"So who are your parents?"

"My mother is a mystery to me and my brother, my father died, ambushed because he refused to teach a rich kid, and my brother saved me from being caught by wood robbers, but they killed him." Her answer was simple, she made sure not to give any names or too much information.

"Your brother must've loved you."

"He's my younger brother, he was five when he died, I was seven." She took another swig. He noticed that her mood changed then he decided to talk something about himself.

"My Father died due to illness. My brother disappeared during the dragon-slaying pre-coronation ritual, my mother went looking for him, she didn't return." There was a moment of silence.

"Do you normally have this kind of conversation with the other girls you bring in your room?" he raised his eyebrows, seemed to be shocked with her sudden interest in him. But he decided to answer her anyway.

"Not really"

"So why have this kind of conversation with an enemy?" he refilled her goblet again.

"You are still my enemy, but, as they say, everything that is loss must be returned somehow. Let's just say that this is my way of repaying you for having dinner with me tonight."

He raised his cup and finished his drink.

**AN: **okay there you go, so in this story, Balgus is Hitomi's father. so that's all :)

For **SinnerStar, f-zelda, Domini-chan, sousie, Inda, origami-doll, Aga, AmethystWings, Missing White Wings 15, MysticMaiden 18**, THANKS for the reviews, alerts and favs.. hope you enjoyed it...


	3. Unseen scar

**Unseen Scars**

_mystic mizu_

His journey back to Moria was cold, dark and tiring. And he had a rough trip, he still proceeded to the king and told him the news. Allen didn't even look at him as he tells him the story, he just stared at the ring the whole time. When he finished his report, he waited for any response or reactions. There was a moment of silence.

"Sire?" he called his attention.

"Since when did you called me sire?" he chuckled. Gaddes only calls him sire in public. He was unaware of it, he just want to show respect to him as sign of his apology for his failure.

"So you proposed to her?" Allen closed his eyes and nodded. He stood up and walked around the room.

"She said yes, didn't she?" he eyed him as he walked.

"Actually, she was unable to answer, when I proposed to her, one of the scouts barged in and told me that there was an attack." He stopped at the window pane, there he can see Fanelian guymelefs standing tall, but lifeless.

"I did tell you that she said that she will, if she ever gets back."

"She will comeback." His words are firm. He wouldn't even want to think that she won't.

"Why did you follow her orders even though you know that it's too risky?" he knew that this question will be brought up, and he is ready to answer it.

"I'd die before I let anything happen to that girl. But she played the general card, I think you gave her too much power. So technically it's not my fault that I followed her, it was yours." Allen chuckled.

"She earned it." He stared at the ring.

"I'm just saying, it's not easy following orders from a fifteen year old girl, it insults our manliness." Allen smiled.

"We need to keep an eye on her, just to be sure."

"I'll do it, I promised her that I'll come back anyway." Allen approached him.

"All right then, your horse and things will be ready tomorrow."

"Tomorrow? I'll leave tonight."

"Don't be ridiculous, you need to rest."

"I won't be relaxed knowing that she's alone there." He turned, but one thing appeared in his mind that made him stay. He turned and looked at him straight-faced.

"Are you okay with this?" he kept his tone low and calm. Allen knows exactly what he's talking about, he appreciates his concern, yet he can't deny the bitter truth of what he truly feels about the situation.

"I'm really worried about her, but I can't deny that this is actually a brilliant plan. But you know what her reaction will be if she finds out that I want her home right away. We can't lock her behind these walls. Besides, even though you take her back, she'll still go out there and finish her mission." He knows the consequences, and he knows the threats, yet all he could do is to pray that nothing terrible will happen to her.

"I'll tell her that." He waved his hand as he walks out.

Nothing much happened last night, though she's satisfied that somehow, the plan is on action. She can't help to think about what Allen might say when he found out that she decided to stay. Will he think badly of her? Will he judge her? Will he still love her? She thought about the risks in this mission, and she's determined to finish it. She can't open her eyes, her head feels like a rock that's being hammered. Then she heard clashing of metal bars, which makes her head throb more. Someone opened her cell, footsteps approaching her, then something cold and damp touched her forehead. She slightly opened her eyes, she hardly recognized who it is, her vision is all fuzzy, she groaned. She opened her eyes once more, it was the maid last night.

"Get up, a lady should know when to get up."

"What are you doing in my cell?" she answered grumpily.

"Waking you up." She answered back. She pushed herself upward and sat. She massages her temple as the maid waits for her to stand.

"In what year do you plan to stand up?"

"Hey, no one asked you to wait for me." She's losing her patience, the last thing she could ask for is Van, but since she met this smart-mouth fifty-year old maid, she never thought that there could be someone who's worse that the spoiled king.

"oh yes, someone did, the king asked me so." She can't believe that she is letting herself be stepped-on by this old hag.

"Take a bath, you'll feel better." She stood up lazily.

"Horrible posture."

"Hey! I am not some sugar princess who knows how to glide or who can tie a knot behind her back, I am a soldier! I grew up holding a sword, not a tea cup." The maid didn't show any reactions. She opened the lock and waited for her to. She grunts as she walks out of the cell. She took her to the room where she freshened up last night. There's another dress hanging on the wall, she glared at it. The maid shut the door and left her alone. She took off her dress and soaked herself in the bathtub.

'_Calm yourself, Hitomi, you can't let yourself get carried away with this, hey, this bath is not bad, it's somehow relaxing.' _She took deep breaths, adapting her mind in the situation. She opened her eyes, she can't help but to think whether she made the right decision to stay behind or not. Just when she was about to reach the point where she's about to sleep there was a loud knocking on the door.

"I thought you're supposed to wait outside?!" she yelled angrily.

"Don't you shout at Merced like that!" Van was on the door.

"What the heck are you doing out there?!" she stood, grab the nearest towel covered herself and guarded the door.

"And don't you shout at me, soldier!" she glared at the door.

"What are you doing here, your jerkiness?" she said with a girlish tone. Her head is too much in pain for her to act calm about the situation.

"I'm here to tell you to hurry and meet me at the frontier." Then she heard footsteps opening and closing of the door.

'_Weird guy.' _She thought. She dried herself put her dress on and left.

When she came to the frontier camp on a horse, she was astonished at what she's looking at; the forest of Moria is burning, she can see gates of Moria still standing tall. Flashes of image appeared in her mind; the death of her father, her brother, the day she fist met Allen and Gaddes, it all happened here, in this forest, now it's slowly eaten by fire.

"You're losing." Van told her. She didn't look at him; she stared blankly at the sea of fire that's eating the forest.

"I'm giving you two choices, surrender and be in my army, tell me how to defeat your king, and I'll give you a higher position and a better Guymelef-"

"No." she answered coldly. She turned her horse and returned to the base camp of Fanelia. She was confused with herself, why is she heading towards the base camp of Fanelia? She could just runaway and go back to Moria. But she has to finish it, she will not go back empty-handed. She slowed down, she stared at the tree near her.

'_Hide.' _She reconciles the last words her father told him, the feeling of being scared and alone. She sank into deep thought that she didn't even noticed Van approaching her.

"I don't get it," he halted in front of her. "Your king didn't even come to negotiate to claim, clearly he doesn't give a damn about you." She glared at him.

"Are you questioning my loyalty to my king?" he stared at her, confused. Who wouldn't? Anyone will be disappointed if they are imprisoned by the enemy, not to mention that you have a high position in the military, yet you're king didn't even come to claim for you.

"My king gave me this position because he knows I wouldn't betray him. He believes in me, and I believe in him." She directed her horse to Van's left.

"you should know that I am not some typical soldier whom you can get by bribery." And she left him alone. He smiles at himself, he's so jealous of Allen to have such a loyal soldier, at the same time, puzzled with him for not appreciating her. He shook his head, it's very unlikely of him to be so amused in one girl. It's usually date a girl if it doesn't work out, move-on.

Yet here he is, wanting what he can't have.

After the incident, she didn't hear anything from Van. Merced brought her dinner that night. Not so long after she finished her dinner, she heard clanging of armor and footsteps approaching her cell. It was Gaddes.

"What are you wearing?" he teased her.

"Do you have to criticize my clothes every time you visit me?" she raised her eyebrow at him.

"So? Did you get anything?" they both sat down on the floor.

"No, what do you expect? Do you want me to ask him right away?" she said sarcastically.

"I want this mission to end and go home." He squinted at her. she suddenly remembered Allen.

"What did he say?" she's been meaning to ask him this question.

"You're lucky, he thought that the idea was brilliant." She was supposed to be relieved, but instead, her mind is filled with confusions and distress.

"Yeah I guess I am." She decided to keep her emotions. She was expecting some, 'he misses you' or 'he wants you home.' Now she thinks that he actually considered using her as bait. Isn't he worried that Van might take advantage of her?

"He is worried you know." He knows what's in her mind. He had been with her since she was seven, and within the eight years of their friendship, somehow, he was able to see what's behind her impassive face, though there are times that he can't really tell what she really feel.

"He said that he trusts you." He continued. The feeling of frustration suddenly faded away.

"Really?"

"well, those weren't the exact words, but, you get the idea." He grinned at her.

"Fanel and I had dinner last night." She called him Fanel instead of King or Van. She wouldn't want to give Gaddes the idea that she's already comfortable with Van that she already calls him by his first name.

"What did you talked about?"

"I told him about my family." He shuddered.

"Did you tell him-?"

"Calm down, I didn't. I'm not stupid." She clenched her fists.

"You never really told me what _really_ happened."

_It was a sunny morning when their father came back from his journey. They were expecting that his student will stay at their home to learn swordsmanship. But he came back with no student, but with wounds. She and her brother hurriedly run to him to assist him. _

"_Scumbags, they expect a knight to teach someone who will one day destroy many lives." He said as he sits down. _

"_Rest, father, you had a long journey." Hitomi said as she treats her wound._

"_Ah, look at you my young one, already knows how to take care of your old man." He pats her head, she chuckled._

"_Father." His five year old son called him. He lifted him and laid him on his lap._

"_How come you refused to teach your student?" Balgus sighed._

"_Swords are meant to protect, not to take lives just because of ruthlessness. You can't avoid taking lives if you're trying to protect someone. But the killing of innocence is nothing but cruelty. I am teaching you because you need to protect your love ones. So no matter what, you should protect your sister at all times." _

"So he knew about the plan." Gaddes said.

"Yes, he knew too much, and it can jeopardize their plan, and that very same day-"

"_When you hold a sword, you think of it as a part of you." It was nearly sunset. He's teaching his children how to fight. He's been teaching Hitomi for two years, though a lot of people were against the idea of women knowing how to fight, he still taught her, believing that everyone has the right to know how to protect themselves. There was a rustle of leaves, disturbance in the forest, someone was out there, something dangerous. _

"_Hide, take your brother with you." He sealed the sword and gave it her._

"_What's wrong father?" she asked as she takes the sword. _

"_Hurry." He faced his son. "Be good to your sister, listen to her." he said. Then he gave them a little push, they ran into the forest and hid themselves in one of the burrow underneath the Acacia tree. They silently waited, they can sill see a small image of their father, waiting. Not so long, horses came. _

"_Balgus, you made the biggest mistake of your life when you chose to turn your back on the General." Said the man in grey hair as he gets off of his horse. The rest of his legion did the same. Balgus drew his sword and stared down on them. Without another word, they suddenly attacked him, four against one. His brother gave a little gasp, she held his brother to comfort him. His father was doing well, blocking their attacks and accomplishing in wounding them. However, they too, are talented. One of them was able to slash his back. Hitomi covered his brother's eyes. It will be too traumatic for him. When she laid her eyes on the fight, tears fell down, a sword is pierced through his chest. She covered her mouth to prevent herself from making any noise. The four soldiers stared down at his corpse._

"_Find his daughter and son." They all climbed to their horses and part ways. She crouched down with her brother. She covered his brother's mouth and eyes. A shadow of one of the legions passed by, he didn't notice them. _

"_What happened to father?" her brother asked as soon as she released his mouth._

"_Father's gone." She whispered mournfully._

"I recognized the seal from one of their swords. Then I knew that they came from Fanelia. Father was supposed to teach the heir."

"What happened to your brother?" he looked at him sincerely. He thought he knew her past, but he didn't actually know the fine points, the traumatic experience of seeing her father's death.

"My brother was killed the next morning, we had no where to run, he pushed me in one of the burrows, they asked him where I was, he didn't answer." She has every reason to hate Fanelia. Every time she reconciles the memory of losing her family, anger fills her insides, giving her strength to kill Fanelian soldiers.

"Then that day, after my brother's death, I ran, I kept on running, not knowing where to go. Then I heard neighs of horses, the next thing I knew I was on the ground." She smiled to herself.

"That's the day we found you." Gaddes smiled.

"I was lucky that I ran into you guys." she chuckled.

"The forest was burnt to ashes."

"I know, I was there when it was burning." She paused for a while and wondered whether she should tell him about the offer or not.

"He asked me to join his army."

"What did you say?" he was astonished.

"No of course." She shot him a warning look.

"I owe everything to Allen, I will never betray him." She sighed.

"I will get that information. I'll help him, no matter what."

**AN: **so in this chapter, it's about Hitomi's past. And oh just to answer **Sakura Kaoru-chan's** question whether this is an AH or VH, I'm really sorry but you'll just have to wait... 


	4. devil's whisper

**Devil's Whisper**

_Two can play in this game_

_mystic mizu_

When he returned to the base camp, he went directly to his room to rest. But before he could sit on his bed, there's a knock on the door. He sighed, he's too tired to listen to the strategies of his council. Before he could even say "come in", the door opened.

"My king." An old man, nearly his sixties with grey hair came in.

"Lionel." He addressed him. Lionel is his most trusted Royal Adviser, he planned all the strategies, and he asked him for the enhancement of his plan. He has been there _since_ the throne was passed to him. He's like a Father to him.

"Great victory my king, I'm sure that tomorrow, we will be able to bring down the walls of Moria." Van unbuckled his sword and laid it on his bed. He sat next to it, Lionel on the other hand, roamed around the room as he speaks.

"About the girl" Van shrugged.

"What about her?" this time, he eyed him as he walks around the room.

"The girl seemed to know more than piloting a melef. She is very talented, very talented indeed. We could gain some useful information out of her." he looked directly at Van.

"She said it herself, she's a pilot and nothing more." He kept his word that he won't tell anyone about their conversation last night. But Van can see in Lionel's eyes that he knows something.

"But you believed that she is more than a mere pilot."

"Have ever you seen a woman commanding a battalion of strong men? I don't think so Lionel." He closed his eyes.

"All I'm trying to say is that we can achieve our victory in a faster way if we get the information about their military prowess through her. She has the talent, she knows something, and maybe we could also have some hint about Folken and Varie." His eyes widened when he heard the name of his brother and mother.

"Fanelia is way too far from Moria Lionel. It's impossible." He closed his eyes, stood and headed for the door.

"I heard that Moria has some eccentric artifact-" Van halted. "-Including Dornkirk's intensified Luck, which of course we could use for the search of your family." He turned the door knob and opened the door.

"We could use the girl of course." Lionel reminded him.

"I have accepted my brother and mother's death, give it a rest Lionel." He closed the door.

Lionel glared at the door. He used to listen to him, never doubted any advice he gave him. He stood and left the room.

"Well, well, I can sense rebellion in the air Lionel, whatever happened to your father-like image to him?" Riyu, a scarred man, nearly fifties with bald head. He grinned at him as he leans his back at the wall.

"Whatever that girl is feeding in his mind is influencing him too much. If only Tai and Rick are still around, they could help me convince him."

"They died eight years ago, if only we had killed the little brat, at least their death are worth it."

"We completed the task, at least Balgus and the boy is dead, that girl has no chance in surviving in the wild, I'm sure she has been eaten by wild animals." He was about to walk away when Riyu warned him. "I have doubts on that Lionel, I have the strangest feelings that that girl is somewhere." Lionel looked at him astern. "Don't be ridiculous." He left him alone in the hall way.

He was surprised with himself when he slammed the door on his royal adviser, it wasn't really like him. Since the day mother's disappearance, Lionel was there, teaching him how to rule, _every_ _movement _that needs to be done, he was like a father to him, he trusts everything he says. But somehow, it felt so wrong, to use Hitomi, to hurt her just to gain information. He shook his head, he can feel his heart beating so fast, why is he so into her? He was surprised when he realized that he's headed down to her cell. Somehow, he wanted to see her, he wanted to talk to her. he was about to take another step but another thought came to his mind. She's probably annoyed with him now, after trying to convince her about help him destroy her own homeland, it was really stupid, and he knows it. _'Maybe an apology, that's a good excuse to see her' _he told himself. As he took a few more steps loser, he heard voices coming form her chamber. He can barely understand them, but he can recognize her voice. He listened intently.

"I owe everything to Allen, I will never betray him." Her voice softly echoed.

"I will get that information. I'll help him, no matter what." He shuddered when he heard it. He lost his balance and nearly tripped off. He got hold of the armor that was placed near to him, it fell on the floor and made a loud noise.

"Someone's coming." Hitomi told Gaddes. He stood up.

"I'll come back later."

"Go."

She waited, and listened for anything, or anyone. After a few seconds, she saw a shadow of a man, drawing closer and closer to where she is. She got up and seated at the corner of her cell. She was astonished to see Van. Her heart was beating fast, did he hear Gaddes? She tried to act serene, but she can't help but worry about him. If they find out that he's here, they will torture him, or kill him. She merely looked at Van, he's doing the same. He looked away and spoke "I wanted to apologize about my rudeness, I-" it wasn't easy to admit that he was wrong.

"- I didn't know that you were this patriot and martyr that will risk everything for your king. Surely it was unexpected because of you're a girl and you obviously don't want to get hurt. So I just concluded that you will concede that easily-"

"Is this your first apology?" she cut his sentence. He wasn't making any sense. She wasn't really sure if he's really apologizing. It's as if he was just, insulting her. He was surprised when she talked, her tone doesn't seem mad at all. Somehow, he was relieved. "I'm not really used to this kinds of things." He admitted.

"I'm sure it was really hard for you." She closed her eyes and smiled. He opened her cell, she was surprised.

"How about another dinner in my room, just to make it up with you." She pushed herself up and stared at him.

On their way out, she looked astern, then she saw Gaddes looking at her, he grinned at her. She didn't respond on it.

When they reached his room, the table wasn't set, there was no food, but the wine is at the corner table of the room. Not so long after they entered there was a knock on the door, it was Lionel. "Forgive for my rudeness your highness, but may I have a word with you." Van glared at him, he knows exactly what he has to say. She looked at Hitomi, she nodded, telling him that it's okay. When he closed the door behind him Lionel spoke softly.

"This is your chance to get the information." Van glared at him.

"Enough, she doesn't know a thing." Lionel looked at him straight-faced.

"Well then we'll have to force her to say it."

"If you touch her-"

"You must know that we're not only doing this for our victory, but for your mother and brother. There is a slightest chance that they are still alive, and if we have their intensified luck, we'll be able to find them." Van looked away. "Besides-" he continued.

"Do you really think that she's really interested in you?" he shrugged in hearing this statement. "I'm sure that there is another reason why she takes every opportunity to be with you." He reconciled what he heard in her cell.

"Leave us alone Lionel." He entered the room and closed the door. Lionel smiled, satisfied with his work.

When he entered the room, he saw her standing at the window where you can see the gates of Moria. It was dark, but the moonlight is enough to see her figure. "You miss home?" he broke the silence.

"Of course, who wouldn't miss home?" She answered coldly. Lionel's voice kept on ringing in his mind, he knows her plan. Two can play in this game, she doesn't really care for him, why should he?

"So, any boyfriend back home?" it felt so stupid to ask such an awkward question. He can't even look at her, it felt so uncomfortable, knowing that she's eyeing him. "None." She said. She wanted to laugh at him, she can see how tense he is.

"I wouldn't ask you, knowing that you make love with women and forget them the next day." A small smile appeared on his face. "I guess because something feel so empty," she stared at him, she took a deep breath. She wouldn't want to feel any sympathy for him, if she does, she'll completely have doubts about hurting him.

"So you try to find it in every woman?" He chuckled. "Not really," he answered. He sat on his bed and stared at her.

"Why do you keep on inviting me in here?" she couldn't help, she just kept wondering why he does.

"What do you mean?" again, he reconciled the moment he heard her plan.

"I could be just deceiving you just to get some information- to destroy you." She was surprised to say this, so was he. He smiled. "Are you?" he asked her. He stood up and approached her.

"Are you really that heartless to lie to someone who showed you who he really is?" he looked deep into his eyes. At the same time he felt guilty about saying these things to her. Lionel's plan still runs in his mind. And he can't help to think it was a good idea.

"You don't know," she whispered "what I went through." He looked at her.

'It's not easy to trust everyone." She continued.

"That's if, you're not willing to." she stared at him. At this moment, he knows, he made up his mind. He can't do it to her. For the very first time, he's not following Lionel's advice. He stepped forward, her heart was beating fast. She stepped backward, she bumped to the wall behind her. He laid his hand on the wall on her left, she's cornered. He leaned his head slowly to hers, slowly claiming her lips. And when he did, he grabbed her shoulders, and slide down his right hand to her waist and pulled her body to his.

It felt so wrong, she didn't see this coming too soon. Her insides are filling with guilt. She can't believe she's actually having a passionate kiss with her enemy. He finally let go of her lips.

"You-" he muttered as he looked deep into her eyes. "You should go back to your cell." Without saying another word, she left his room, as she walks away from him, he smiled.

Tears fell down on her face.

**AN: **I hope you enjoyed it. In this chapter, it shows that it wasn't Van who ordered for Balgus and his family's execution. It was actually Lionel (OC). Also at this point, Van is starting to fall for Hitomi, on the other hand, Hitomi is starting to hate herself. Find out what happens next! Thank you for those who keep on reading! Happy holidays everyone:)


	5. Doubts

**Doubts**

_She wants something from me, and I'm keeping her for selfish reasons _

_mystic mizu _

It felt so wrong, their kiss. She feels so bad, so guilty about it. She should just run away with Gaddes tonight, she wouldn't even want to see him again, not after what happened. She took a few deep breaths as she strolls her way to her cell. He'll know that something happened if he sees her like this. So before she could draw nearer to her cell, she fixed herself. It was dark, and as usual, her only source of light is the torch in front of her chamber, where she found Gaddes sitting under it.

"Hey, what happened?" he approached her. He immediately noticed that there was something wrong.

"Did he do something to you?" he shot her a serious look. "No, it's nothing." She whispered. She felt so cold, without thinking she leaned her head onto his chest. He knows that something happened, and just to show her he's there and he won't leave her, he wrap his arms around her. "Do you want to go home now? You know that I can take you out of here tonight." It took a while before she could answer, part of her wants to go home, but she wants to have the information so badly, or is that real reason why she wants to stay?

"It will be okay, Allen will understand." Gaddes tried to comfort her, but the sound of Allen's name just made her feel guiltier.

"I will stay, I'll help him." She buried her face into his chest. "He's everything to me, I want to help him as much as I could." It's more like she's talking to herself than to Gaddes. He carefully pushed her to see her face.

"What did really happen back there?" her hands are on his arms, she clutch his shirt tightly.

"Nothing, I was just tired I guess, too overwhelmed with everything. I almost spilled the plan to him." She's not lying at all, that's what really happened. But that's not the reason why she's so distress. He knows that she's lying, but instead of forcing her to tell him, he just kept quiet and smiled at her. "It's alright, at least your safe. I'm always here whenever you need me, alright?" she smiled weakly at him. "Thanks Gaddes, you're a good friend for a scumbag." She chuckled. She hugged him once more.

"Don't use 'scumbag' again, it doesn't suit you." He patted her back as a sign of comfort. And surely, at that moment, she knew what he's trying to say, though he can't put it into words. He trusts her every decision, even the most stupid ones, and she won't jeopardize his trust for her. This mission must continue.

"So you're willing to go this far? It's not like you to act so-" he doesn't how to put it in a nice way. "-cruel?" he continued. She shot him a confusing look.

"I don't know what you're trying to say." She said.

"You- I mean the seducing and stuff just to have something you're desperate to have." He said frantically. "It's not you, how can you possibly pull this off." She wasn't able to answer him directly.

"Somehow, I want to abort it." she whispered.

"What's holding you back?" he asked.

"Frankly, I'm scared." She didn't look in his eyes. "You know how much I care for Allen, and for Moria of course. But after I realized that _something _in between might occur, it feels like, betraying everyone. It'll make things so difficult." And without another word, Gaddes put his hands on her shoulders and smiled sincerely at her. "Even with your twisted mind and queer plans, you made it this far. You've been through so many things, and you were able to overcome them. I believe in you, you can overcome this too." It made her feel a little lighter. But made her feel the pressure more.

He was alone in his room. He can still feel her lips on his. It was different this time, it's not about the one night stand. He knows, and he's determined to change her mind about her plan, and maybe he could convince her to stay with him. Maybe if he shows her love, she will change. He can't deny that Lionel's word kept running in his mind. It occurred to him that Lionel suggested this plan because they should expand their territory to become powerful. Suddenly, it occurred to him that the war is still going on, he wants the intensified luck, not the land of other countries, to find his bother and mother, to find his family. He'll get it, but he'll not use Hitomi. He'll find it, using his own way, he'll never follow Lionel's way.

'_I know she'll not approve, but there is no way she'll admit that they have the intensified luck.' _There's no other way but to force his way into Moria, which means destroying the walls, destroy anyone who gets in his way, destroy her homeland.

"If you only approved, Allen Schezar, it wouldn't be this complicated." He whispered to himself. _'I want her, everything about her.' _He smiled to himself. _'Weird, of all the women…' _he chuckled. He walked out of his room and headed to her cell. On his way down, he remembered the night he caught her talking about the plan, someone was able to lurk around his camp. But he's confident that he can't discover their strong point. No one ever knew, and those who knew, never lives. He lay down on his bed and went to sleep.

All the night, she thought about what Gaddes told her. She's doing this for Moria, especially for Allen. This mission must go on, she'll ignore what she feels. She thought that maybe she just misses Allen's love, and probably found it in Van. When she opened her eyes, stood up and stretched, she gazed through the small window in her cell. There she saw the indigo sky blending with the orange rays of the rising sun. It feels like a thousand years since the last time she saw the sunrise. Back at home, she always wakes up early in the morning to practice, and have a secret meet with Allen. No one, except Gaddes, knows about them. Reminiscing their moments together brings back what she feels for him. Queerly, she felt a slight throb inside her. She shook her head when she remembered the kiss between her and Van. She hates it when she recalls it, it all makes her hesitation to continue the plan, But why?

'_Why? Why do I feel this way?' _ She never wanted it, that kiss is so wrong, but strangely felt so good.

"Damn, why do I feel this way." She whispered to herself. She ran her fingers through her hair and fixed herself. She knows her love for Allen, but why have doubt in it?

"Feel what way?" she looked at the bars and found Van opening her cell. She stood up and waited for him. "You're early." She said as she eyed him.

"I can't sleep, I was hoping that you were awake, good thing you are." He entered her cell and without thinking, he gently caressed her arm. For some seconds, they kept silent, feeling a little awkward. He put his hands in his pocket, his gaze is somewhere else. He wasn't really sure why he went down here. He just had this sudden urge to see her. She, on the other, wasn't expecting him to come this early. She tried to remember what she did when Allen and she have this kind of situation. But she realized that they didn't have any, since they know each other so much. The only thing she know about him is his past. But that's not a good topic to talk about.

He thoughtfully held her hand and smiled. "Come with me." He said.

He led her outside the encampment. It was still cold, the sun is slowly rising. It was a pretty sight. But the view of the burned forest just spoils it.

"Back at Fanelia," he speaks as he stared at the rising sun. "I used to watch the sunrise with Merle."

"Merle?" she looked at him.

"She's a good friend of mine, a cat-girl. When I lost my family, she was the only one I have. She's like a little sister to me." He smiled to himself. "How about you? Did you consider anyone as a family?" he looked at her. She avoided his eyes and stared at the sunrise.

"Gaddes, is one of my comrade. But he's like a brother to me. He always looks after me, and treat me like his own sister."

"I never really wanted any sympathy from anyone. I don't want them to think that I am weak. Gaddes knows that. But still, he stayed with me."

"Why won't you let anyone take care of you? It's one way of showing that they're concern about you."

"I want to prove them wrong, I can take are of myself by myself."

"Sure." He smirked.

"sure you didn't anyone to do so, but you didn't drive them away." She looked at him blankly.

"What do you know." She whispered with a small smile on her face. "I know that you act so strong, but fragile inside." He speaks as if he's sure with his words. She wondered, how can he see right through her.

"I know that you're conceded, infuriating and spoiled." He chuckled.

"That's how you see me?" the sun's warmth slowly crawling to their face.

"You long for something." She said.

"Yeah, for something." He shyly reached for her hand. When he took hold of it, he felt a small twitch of surprise, but he smiled when he felt her fingers caressing at the back of his hand. but deep inside her, a great feeling if guilt is swirling and slowly killing her.

'_How can he make me feel like this? I hate him, I'm supposed to hate him.' _She was unconsciously tightening her hold on his hand.

"What's wrong?" he whispered.

"how can you be so comfortable with this?" she can't help but ask.

"aren't you?" he chuckled.

"It feels like- betraying my whole country." She was about to free her hand from his, but he tighten his grip and gently faced her head to his.

"There's no one else in here but us." Same words, he said same words when first kissed her.

"Yeah but-"

"Hitomi" he looked at her in the eyes. "There's only you and me in this place. No one else." He leaned closer to her. But she stepped away from him.

"You don't understand. It will be complicated." She looked away from him. "Why are you willing to ruin your reputation? Aren't you worried what your men will think about you? Their king is having an affair with a slave girl, an enemy." He smiled.

"I was expecting you'll feel that way." He put his hands in his pockets. "May be they should realize, that there's something in this slave girl, that amused their king." She stared at him. There's just something in his words that mesmerizes her.

"You're willing to take the risk that I might not stay with you forever? That will be the biggest shame you'll ever have." He walked towards her, grabbed her waist and pulled her body towards him.

"Then I'll make you want to stay here." She smiled. She pushed his hands away. He smiled and walked back to the camp. "We'll see." She whispered as she watches him walk away.

After their little chat outside, they went directly to his room and had their breakfast. She tried as hard as she can to open the topic about their military prowess. Unfortunately, she couldn't find a good chance to talk it out of him. They just keep on bragging on how Moria is better that Fanelia, and vise versa. But the big question was asked.

"If I ask you to live with me at Fanelia, will you come with me?" at first, she thought that he was joking, but after she noticed the serious look on his face, it seems as though the temperature of the room changed and made her feel uncomfortable.

"Stay at Fanelia? I don't know, I haven't been to Fanelia." She kept her answer simple and safe. She didn't want him to think that she assumes that this relationship is just temporary, that it will end with the war.

"Well what do you expect from Fanelia?" She took this question as an opportunity to open the topic about their force.

"I want a strong, powerful army that can protect their country." She kept her tone calm, afraid that he might sense that she's up to something.

"You really have no idea what Fanelia is, don't you?"

"That's why I'm asking."

"Fanelia? the country that has the famous Yspano Guymelef?" she remembered reading something about the Yspano Guymelef, sure she forgot about that fact. She fought him before, and didn't even notice that he was using an Yspano Guymelef.

"Yspano? Isn't that the guymelef that curses its master?" she asked as if she's very interested.

"That's what the legend says. If the guymelef falls, its master falls too."

"You mean that the Guymelef is the strongest among all your guymelef?" she asked. If he will say "yes", her mission is over. She can finally go home.

"Not really." All her hope broke into pieces. "Knowing the skill of my military men, they are all very skilled. That's why I have the confidence to say that we will win the war." It's as if her vein is about to pop. But at least she has a hint that the Yspano Guymelef is one of factor of their strong army. If not, perhaps, its master, Van Fanel, the one who pilot it.

"So, does Fanelia meet your expectation from her?" he asked.

"Close, but no." she said firmly.

"What does Moria have that Fanelia doesn't? Some sort of luck machine?" now it's his turn to get some hint from her.

"Luck machine? There's no such thing." She said with a tone of assurance. With the sound of her voice, two things came up in his mind; either she's really good at lying or she doesn't have any idea what he's talking about.

"Of course there is, Dornkirk, the emperor of Zaibach, and his intensified luck soldiers, wherein he replaced his soldier's blood with pure luck blood. It's the ultimate weapon." He really wanted to get at least one clue from her that they posses the Intensified luck.

"I thought that his inventions were destroyed with his empire." He didn't see this coming. He did hear rumors about the destruction of his greatest inventions.

"Why the sudden interest in it?" she asked.

"Nothing, it's just it's such a great lost for Gaea that his inventions are destroyed without being used for a good reason."

"Why would you want such a terrible invention to continue to exist? It's a stupid thing to dream that all the luck in the world is yours? What's the fun of living if there are no obstacles to go through or trials to win over?" He smiled.

"You're being to idealistic, always want to have fun I mean." He said without looking at her.

"It's no fun to go through tough times. But how can you call yourself strong if you haven't experienced any pain that will firm you up? At least you're proud to shout out that you went through this and you overcome your trial."

"It's not bad to dream, but be realistic, it's practical to have things the way you want it." He stood up and sat beside her. "At least it will erase all the complication in your decisions." He looked at her as he tucks a few locks of hair behind her ear.

"You're the one who's being idealistic." she felt a small tingle behind her ears as he tucks her hair. "Sometimes it's better than being realistic." Is fingers crawled from her ears, down to her neck, slowly facing her head to his. He leaned closer and claimed her lips. He can feel that she's kissing him back. He grabbed her waist, slowly pushing her down to bed. When she felt that he's coming too strong, he pushed him and sat her self up.

"I'm sorry." He whispered.

"me too." She answered back. There was a short silence between them.

"You know what, I'm not, I know I felt something in that kiss. You're just afraid to admit that you did too, because of that stupid responsibility in your country." He stood up and turned his back on her.

"You have one too, why can't you just face that what we're doing is wrong?" she stood up.

'_What am I saying? I should be glad that he's crazy over me?' _

"Because for once, I know that what I'm doing is right." his voice is calm, he slowly faced her again.

"For once, I'm sure that I really wanted something." He walked towards her and held her hands.

"That I really wanted someone." He cupped her face and leaned his forehead on hers. "that I needed someone."

She thought of every reason to resist his kiss, but find it too hard to do so. She once again became weak in his arms, lips and warmth.

AN: she still thinks that the mission must go on, yet she can't resist Van's charm (who can?) sorry if it took me some time to update, quite busy with school works here


	6. Reliving the Past

**Reliving the Past**

She woke up with the sound of the pouring rain. She found herself beside Van, his arm around her waist.

'_Nothing happened last night.' _She confirmed when she checked if she have clothes on. When she tried to stand, she felt his embrace tighten. She felt his face compressing against her back and heard him gave out a small moan. It's actually comfortable, feeling his warm chest and breath on her back, and his tight grip around her waist. She's aware that he's already awake, though he's pretending to be asleep. She just played along with his act. After a few deep breaths, he finally spoke.

"Good morning." He whispered in her ears.

"Morning." She replied. He pushed himself up and sat, she did the same. They didn't spoke nor looked at each other.

"Does it have to be this awkward every morning?" he smiled as he scratches the back of his head.

"I don't know, maybe because we kissed twice, and we don't even know each other that much?" she smiled back.

"I'm going to call Merced." He stood up and left her alone.

As soon as he closed the door, she stood up and kicked the bed. "How long have you been under there?" There was a sound of moan. "Jerk. Get out of there you scumbag!" she folded her arms and waited for the person underneath the bed to get out.

"Ouch, there's no need to kick the bed, I'm awake!" Gaddes crawled out his way from under the bed. He grunted when he felt a small bump on his temple.

"How did you get in here?" she raised her eyebrow on him.

"Through the window last night." He explained.

"Exactly_when_ last night?" She was afraid that he saw what happened last night. He sneered at her, which made her more tensed. There's just something about that devilish grin, she knows that grin, and it's not a good thing for her.

"Last night, when the two of you were asleep." She squinted at him.

"Were you watching us?"

"Hitomi, if you were worried that I saw the two of you kissing last night, don't be. If you want me to pretend I didn't see it, fine." He sat on the bed and looked up at her.

"So you did saw us." She sighed.

"Yeah, that was pretty intense, and the fight? What's with whole responsibility issue? He knows that you are a general?" he eyed her as she sat beside him.

'Yeah, I wasn't planning on telling him, it sort a spilled out." She explained as she run her fingers through her hair.

"So you're gonna spy my every move?"

"What's wrong with that?"

"How can I work when I am aware that you are watching me?"

"What you're afraid that I'll see all the snuggling? I don't trust these people. I just want to keep an eye on you, just incase some jerk try to hurt you."

"Yeah right." She snorted.

"what?"

'You're afraid that something might happen between Fanel and I. Do you really think that I am that low?"

"That's not it-"

"Oh please." She's angry, 'cause she knows that she's right.

"Okay, fine. At some point, that is the reason. I'm sorry that I'm spying on you, but I can't take the risk-"

"Of what?" she stare down on him. "This is a mission, everything will end when the mission ends." She closed her eyes and stood up.

"I'm sorry, alright? It won't happen again." When she took a deep breath, her angry expression changed into a calm one.

"I know that you're worried, you have every reason to be. I'm sorry I overreacted. You can watch over me, just, not in this room, okay?" she gave him a pleading look, he smiled and pat her on the back.

"yeah I stepped beyond the line when I entered this room, but I swear when I the two of you kissing I looked away." She chuckled.

"thanks." They heard footsteps approaching the room. "That's him, go." She whispered. He hurriedly ran to the window and climbed out. As soon as he closed the window, the door swung open. She was expecting Van, but Merced came in with breakfast.

"Where is he?" She asked, trying to be more polite to avoid an argument. They never had any good conversation. They've always been rude to each other. But she has no intention to bond with her, there's no reason for her to do so.

"Out in the war." She answered coldly. She almost forgot that the war is still going on. a lot of people are dying everyday. She can't afford any more delays, she must get that information.

"So you decided to be his bed woman." She said as she fixed the bed.

"Nothing happened." She answered at once.

"It seems like you'll be staying a bit longer than I thought. Since the king treats you with such respect, I might as well do the same." She shrugged when she heard her say 'respect'.

"What?"

"What I mean to say is we should get along." Merced crouched down to fix the bed sheet.

"No, not that, what do you mean when you said that he treats me with respect?" she's eager to know what makes her so special from the other girls she brought home.

"You're still here, that's one proof. And the fact that he didn't force you to bed."

"He does that to women?" she grimaced when she remembered him laying her down to bed, and the time when he cut her clothes to pieces, that shows that he's one big maniac.

"Well the women gladly come in his room and give themselves." She faced her. She noticed in her voice that there's a sound of distaste and dread. "I don't think that he will do that to you." Merced reassured her.

"How- how long have you been working for him?" she wasn't intending on asking the question, it sort of came out, just to change the topic.

"For almost 32 years." She answered as she crouched to pick up a pillow.

"So you've known him since he was a kid." This could be a good opportunity to know his past and attitude. If she knows what gets him to talk about his oh-so-great military prowess, bringing out the topic will be a piece of cake.

"I used to look after him, but of course as he grows up, he grew more and more interested in swords than going out of the castle. And of course, his friend Merle was there to watch over him, he did tell you about Merle right?" she nodded when she looked astern at her.

"Van told me about his family, how he lost his father and the rest of his family. How, how did Van take it?" it felt awkward asking the question, it makes her look like she's being serious about Van. Merced had the idea that she was, but instead of raising her eyebrow, she smiled.

"He took it like a man, he was very young, but he dried his tears and faced the responsibility his brother left him like a true king. Lionel was there to guide him, he even asked Balgus to teach him swordsmanship," the sound of her Father's name gave a small twinge. "But Balgus turned down the offer." She was surprised that Merced sounded like she's finished.

"And?" she was expecting that they know that Balgus was killed.

"He was taught by Lionel himself." Her hands are shaking with fury.

"No, what happened to Balgus." She stood up and took a few deep breaths to calm herself.

"He went back to his family, to be at peace." There are two things came in her head; either they had no idea that _someone_ ordered the assassination, or they're trying to keep their mouth shut about the murder.

"That's not what I heard." Merced slowly stood up and faced her. "What do you mean?" there's that superior look on her face again. Hitomi looked at her straight-faced.

"Why the sudden urge to know about the whereabouts of Balgus."

"He's a legendary swordsman, a soldier like me is eager to know about him." She said trying to be polite with her words.

"I see, what rumors have you heard?" She said, she didn't take her eyes off of her, Hitomi did the same.

"Balgus was assassinated, by _unknown_ soldiers, his children met the same fate." Merced didn't respond for a few seconds.

"I for one, am not sure what's true. After Balgus left the castle when he declined the offer, we never heard of him ever since." She returned to her cleaning, Hitomi eyed her as she roams the room. Not so long after she finished fixing the table, Van came in.

"Thanks Merced, you can leave now." Merced nodded and left the room. But before she closed the door, Hitomi saw her staring down at her. Van was busy unbuckling his sword and changing his shirt.

"Merced told me that Balgus was supposed to be your master." She faced him.

"Yeah, but he refused." He removed his shoes and stretched. "Why?"

"What made him refuse to teach you?" she made it sound sarcastic. Van chuckled.

"I don't know, something about honing his spirit, Lionel did the talking, I was only seven." The way he talked made her realize that he doesn't know a thing about Balgus' death, but this Lionel guy surely has something to do with it.

"Lionel?" she asked.

"Haven't I told you about him? He's the guy who came in the night we first kissed." She remembered him. He's old and looks pretty weak.

"He's an advisor, he taught me how to rule and how to fight, everything." Someone who has the king's trust, the advisor, He follows everything he says.

"And this war? This is his plan?" she asked.

"He said it's for good intention for the whole country."

"What about the rest of Gaea? Have you thought about that?" there was a loud knock on the door. And before Van could say come in, the intruder entered.

"Milord, the general asked for your audience." It was Lionel. Van looked at Hitomi and whispered "I'll take only a few second." Van left the room, but Lionel stayed behind.

"It will be best for you if stay out of our business, girl. I'll make your life a living hell if you do. You don't want me to be your enemy." She glared down on him.

"NO, I do." she glared at him.

On his way to meet the general, Lionel called him. He looked astern and approached him. "I thought you told me to go to the general."

"No milord, the general is drunk, everyone is. We just lost the war. You didn't fight, you merely watched your soldiers die and lose."

"Lionel, if-"

'You're letting that girl pollute your mind."

"What are you talking about?"

"that girl is deceiving you. She's trying to convince you to stop the war isn't she?"

"Well, she's right, this is senseless."

"Have you forgotten what's the real reason why were doing this? To find your brother and mother. You're choosing that girl over your family? Over Fanelia? Do you have any idea what your men think about you? They think that you abandoned them. You're losing their trust." He whispered like a temptation inside his head.

"I-I didn't" Van looked down.

'Don't worry I'm sure that everything will be forgotten, the soldiers appreciate your gift." Van looked at him.

'What gift?"

"The girl, to amuse them. They need someone to lift their spirit after losing the fight." Van grabbed his collar.

"WHAT DID YOU DO TO HER?" he shouted. His eyes full of anger, wanting to pierce his sword through his advisor's abdomen.


	7. Realize

**Realize**

_mystic mizu_

"WHAT DID YOU DO TO HER?" Van grabbed Lionel's shirt and shook him.

"You should be thankful, I'm saving your reputation, giving that girl to your men means that you are aware that they need some _encouragement_to win the next battle."

"She's got nothing to do with this! It's not her fault that we lost." a part of him wants to kill him, but a part of him still respects him as an advisor, and a master.

"It is her fault that you're losing your determination to win the battle." Lionel slapped his hands away. "That girl is blinding you from what's right for you and your country."

"What's best for my country," he whispered to himself "for the past eight years you've been telling me that everything you tell me to do is what's best for Fanelia. Tell me Lionel, how does this war help Fanelia?" he exclaimed

"Your father-"

"My father wouldn't allow such cruelty to be done by a Fanel. Yes I was foolish for believing you. This is over, when we get back, you will be dismiss as my advisor." He turned and walked away.

'You wouldn't want to do that." Van stopped but didn't faced him. .

"You maybe the King of Fanelia, but everyone around you listen to what I say. I control everything, even you." It came to him as a surprise, after giving his devilish speech, he suddenly felt Van's fist hitting hard on his jaw.

"I should've known you're up to no good. Don't force me to use my sword to shut you up." Van walked away from him. Lionel smile as he stood up.

"They should be done with her by now, you should know that you shouldn't disobey me, cause the penalty is vindictive." he had everything planned, the only thing that's on the way is Hitomi, and the only way to succeed is to eliminate her and Van.

* * *

After the talk Gaddes had with Hitomi, he decided to have a little visit to Moria. Allen's men are celebrating for their victory. However, Hitomi's crew isn't used to celebrate without her. When he came in the Palace, he found Allen in his room.

"How is she?" that's the first thing he asked when he realized it was Gaddes.

"She's having a hard time to take out the information from the King but she's starting to-"

"The king?" Allen looked so confused.

"Yeah the King of Fanelia, Didn't I mention it to you?"

"I think you forgot to mention that part. I thought she was going to use some soldier, but the King?" Allen stood up. For some reason, he was afraid that Hitomi is dealing with Van. On the other hand, Gaddes is calm with the situation.

"Quit worrying Allen, I have my eye on her remember, and from the looks of it, she got him on the palm of her hand. C'mon, this is Hitomi we're talking about, she can take care of herself." he tapped him on the shoulder as a sign of promise.

"I'm not worried about her being danger"

"You're worried that she'll get attached to him?" Gaddes smiled. "We already had that discussion, I had the same concern but she assured me that it will never happen. Trust her, that's what she needs from you right now." Allen doesn't look so convinced with his words. They all know that sometimes, she acts though she's insensitive and close-minded about love, but she easily feels sympathy for a person, especially when they both experienced the same hardship.

"You're afraid to lose her?" there's a tone of melancholy in Gaddes's voice. He helped them to hide their relationship from everyone, and he knows what they have to go through just to be with each other.

"Of course I am, I've always been." His eyes are full of worry and sadness, he's always been happy since Hitomi came to their life. She gave her hope again, and made him feel loved and protected him from loneliness. For the first time, he has nothing to say about this.

"When something goes wrong, send her back home immediately." He shrugged when he suddenly hear orders. He bowed and left.

* * *

On his way back to Van's place, he heard merry making and laughing of men. He was surprised to hear them rejoicing after they lost the fight. He felt a sudden chill inside of him, worried, he drew closer to where the voices are coming from. he saw a group of drunk men, circling around something. He climbed up the tree to see what the jeer all about is. And when his eyes meet the center of the crowd, anger raged inside him.

Hitomi, bleeding, dress partly torn and groggy.

"You think you're so tough now girly?" said the guy who grabbed her arm. He slapped her so hard that she hit the ground. "I wouldn't be surprised that a coward like you has the guts to slap me because you have your crowd of sissies to back you up." Though her lip is bleeding, she still managed to affront him.

"Why you bitch!" she grabbed her neck and raised her to the air. "Break her neck!" one of the soldiers shouted. "c'mon, let me have her first before you kill her!" the soldiers cheered.

"this is of the greatest present from the King!" though his hands gripped tightly on her neck, she was able to give him one hard kick on the face. The soldier shouted in pain, he dropped her on the ground, the men behind him laughed at him.

"Shut up you dirt bags!" he shouted at his men. He wiped the blood from his nose and grabbed her. "You'll pay for that missy!" he punched her on her left arm. She tried to stop herself from screaming from the pain, but the pain was almost blinding. The punch left a large bruise on her arm. Gaddes can't control himself, he drew his dagger and aimed it at the soldier, but before he could throw it, he saw Hitomi, looking directly at him. She shot him a warning look, he can tell that she's telling him not to intrude or reveal himself. He clutched his dagger, and with full diverge he sealed his dagger back.

He was surprised when he heard the soldier scream in pain, he saw HItomi, lying on the ground, when he set his eyes on the soldier, he saw Van Fanel, he used the back of his sword to knock his soldier.

"Party's over" he declared. No one dared to fight back. His soldiers eyed him as he slowly crouched down and take her up. "Fanelians don't hurt women, soldier. Remember that." The soldier slowly knelt and answered "Aye, sire." The soldiers cleared the way as they pass by. Hitomi slightly opene her eyes and saw Gaddes jumping down from the tree. she assumed that he'll follow them, or quietly kill the soldier who hurt her. she's too tired to think, her vision blurred, her eyelids are getting heavy. She finally gave in and closed her eyes.

* * *

"You're late." She muttered.

"I didn't know you're awake." He answered as he enters the door of his room.

"Me? Knocked out by that sissy punch? No way." Her voice is hoarse and weak. "you still got some energy to insult his punch, you almost passed out." He slowly laid her to bed. She kept her eyes closed. He took out some towels to treat her wounds. When he started o clean her wounds, he can hear her groan.

"I thought you are used to this kind of pain?" he teased her.

"It's not like you can't help to feel pain." She opened her eyes and saw him damping a towel.

"What's that?" she asked. "Ointment, for your bruise." But when he's about to use it in her, she pushed his hand away and tried to sit herself up.

"Don't be stubborn, this will help you boost your recovery." He tried to put it on her arm again, but she pushed it away.

'No, that stuff stinks."

"It will only take you a few minutes, stop being a baby. It will hurt more if you ignore it." She tried to push his hand away again, but he caught it, and he damped her arm with the medicine. The medicine is warm on her skin, she can feel her pain slowly fading away. After a few minutes, he removed the towel and threw it at the nearby table.

"It doesn't hurt anymore does it?" she kept quiet. Admitting that she's wrong is the hardest thing to do for her.

"Yeah." She whispered.

"they didn't- do anything else to you?" he asked awkwardly.

"What? Do you think that I can't protect myself from those scumbags?"

"Stop kidding yourself! How come you always have the idea that I think you are weak? You nearly sliced me into pieces the first time we dueled." She grunted. "What's with you?" he added.

"I don't know, I think I forgot what it's like to trust someone after being presented as gift because their king is sorry for losing the battle."

"I am not the one who sent you there, do you think I would even come and get you if I did?" She doesn't know who to get mad at. She was nearly killed, it was traumatic. She was so powerless, in front of that soldier, without any sword, without anything. It was terrifying, she knows she can take him down, but somehow, she felt weak, hopeless, and dead.

'_you should've left me to die, I deserve it.' just_ the feeling of frustration about everything, the confusion about one's feeling for another, what's right from wrong, everything is so complicated, so wrong.

"I-I'm" there's nothing else to explain, he knows what she feels, and all he need to do is be there for her.

"It's alright." He whispered. "You don't have to deal with them again. I promise." How is it possible that a man she barely knew can see right through her? It's a mystery, even for her, even for him.

'_There's no one else in this room, but us.' _She's probably making the biggest and the dumbest mistake of her life if she admits that she feels something special for him. But there's just something in is eyes that tells him that it will be alright, to be engulfed with their sins, with their betrayal to their country. That look that makes her lost in his eyes, and completely blind her to reality, and binds her to their fantasy.

She leaned her head on his shoulder and buried her face on his neck, and for the first time, she felt safe in this place. He wasn't expecting her to do something so, gentle. It took him a few seconds to absorb what just she did, and to respond to it. He slid his hand on her back up to her head and smoothes her hair with his fingers.

"It's not like you to act this way." He whispered in her ears.

"You'll be more surprised when I take things more-intimate." He felt his blood rushing in his face. She can feel his heart beating fast.

"I'm looking forward to it." He breathed. He cupped her face and claimed her lips. His soft lips made her lose control of herself, she kissed him back. Her hands are running through his jet black hair. His fingers sliding on her skin are slightly tickling her nape and shoulder.

'_There's no one else in here, but us.' _

He slowly laid her to bed, she's breathing heavily as he placed open-mouthed kisses on her neck. It actually made him feel good about himself that he can hear her moan whenever he lays his kisses on her, he feels her grip on his shoulder tightens whenever he do so. She once again feel so weak, but in a good way. She can feel his warm breath on her neck that makes her want more than his kisses and touch.

Suddenly, he stopped, he cupped her face and looked deep into her eyes. There's no need to explain why he's doing it, she knows what he's trying to say. She kissed him, he knew then that she's fine with it.

She pulled his shirt upward and threw it. He untied the knot of her dress and he slowly stripped her. He pulled the blanket and hid them under it.

It was a passionate, and a pleasurable night. It was sinful, true, but how come something so wrong could feel so right? She watches him as he breathe, she trace his handsome feature, his masculine body, his gentle hands. His arms are tightly gripped around her waist, holding her so close, never letting her go.

She touched his lips with tip of her index finger, she can feel his warm breathing. She slid it down to her chin and traced his feature. When she reached his ear, Van caught her hand and smiled.

"That tickles." He whispered. Hitomi smiled.

"You want to do it again?" he chuckled.

"I think one is enough for tonight. You had a long day." she ran her fingers through his hair. He smiled and held her hand. he pulled her closer to his body and went to sleep.

**AN:** I'm really uncomfortable writing love-making scene. Bare with me.. I know it sucks…


	8. Dilemma

**Dilemma**

_mystic mizu_

"_You know you love somebody when you can't put into words how they make you feel."_

She lays there, motionless, eyes closed, but tears are flowing out of them. She knows exactly what's bothering her, and all she want to do now is to go home, and let everything that happened last night be forgotten. She didn't mean to go this far, to the point where feelings are involved: hers, Van's and Allen's. What could be worse than being caught between two worlds, between two loves, between two men.

Of course, the right thing to do is to go back, to where she really belongs, to the man she owes everything, to the man she- loves?

That's what really sucks right now, the question "who does she truly love?" She always believed that time will not tell whether its right to fall in love or not.

She wiped her tears and took a few deep breaths to calm herself. Then she felt a warm hand caressing her back and a soft whisper "Are you crying?"

He's awake. Besides losing the battle, one of the things she hates most is when someone sees her cry. She didn't respond, maybe he'll just give up on her, and go back to sleep. But he didn't, he slid his hand down to her abdomen and pulled her closer. She can feel his slow breathing, his heart beat, his warmth, they make her weak, make her surrender in his arms, make her feel, queerly safe. He laid a soft kiss on the back of her shoulder.

"It's okay" he said. Though she finds everything she wanted in him, part of her wants to push him away her, away from her life.

He embraced her tighter, it seems like her silence says it all. She can't figure out how he could see right through her.

"It's okay." He whispered in her ears, and he didn't have to ask what's wrong, the way he assured that everything will be fine, sounds so confident that he knows exactly what's bothering her. His simple touch, his words, and the fact that he's there, seems enough to make her feel better.

She kept her eyes shut. She regrets this big dumb decision. She refused every opportunity she had to go back home. If she only listened to Gaddes, then maybe, things won't be this complicated.

She can't deny that Allen is still in her mind. She promised him that she will go back, that she will MARRY him, but she's simply losing her reason why she should.

What will happen after the war? What will Allen think of her if he finds out? Will she tell him? But the question is, does she still have the will to marry him?

She_used_to find everything in him, he usedto be everything about her, she _used_to love him more than anything.

But all this thought, won't make any difference, Van is still her enemy, she has a responsibility to her people, she has a debt to pay, a man waiting for her. It all answer her question, there isn't a decision to make, but a duty to face.

Duty or feeling?

But behind all this decisions, this guilt, this heartache, this strange feeling of wanting to stay with him, cries louder than any remorse hovering inside her head.

Hard to admit yes, but she's falling for him.

* * *

She woke up with a terrible headache. Its dawn, the cold breeze coming from the window mixes with the warmth of the sunlight, it's a weird, but surprisingly good feeling. 

"Good morning." He's on the other side of the bed, dressing up.

"You're early." She slowly pushed herself up and tucked the blanket under her arms. her eyes met his, he gave her a small serene smile.

"Going to battle huh?" she pointed his sword and grimaced at him. He noticed a tone aggravation in her voice. She moved towards the edge of the bed and sat. He knows that the war between their countries still hassles her, if he could only tell her his reason why he wants to get through their walls that much, he wouldn't have to make an excuse, he wouldn't have to lie to her. He knelt on the bed and slowly caressed her bare back.

"It will be over soon." He whispered.

"Why? Because our country's about to fall?" she stood and looked for her clothes.

"Your king fought yesterday." She stopped. Allen went to battle yesterday, a king, leading the protection of Moria. He only fights when the occasion asks for it, when they are in jeopardy, Moria's near to her downfall.

"You know what it means right? You're out of Melefs, though we lost the last time we faced them, I know that they gave their full strength to win against us." he spoke sympathetically, he stood and looked into her eyes. She didn't look at him.

"Why?" she whispered.

"Hitomi"  
"why are you doing this? What do you think you're playing at?" she glared at him.

'_I wish I could tell you' _

"Do you have any idea how many lives are destroyed by this war? People are dying Van, children are losing their family-"

"I want my family back." He whispered, he was unaware that he said it.

"What?" he seems so lost in deep thought.

"Van" she called him. He turned and walked away, but before he could open the door, he felt two gentle arms wrapping around his torso.

"Please, stay here. Don't fight." She rests her head against his back.

"Are you saying that because you're concerned about me or your country?" her hands clutched his shirt.

"Van, please." Her hold grew tighter. She's worried about him too. Van and Allen skills are almost equal; it's hard to tell what might happen,

"I will go return, I promise. It will be over soon." He wished she'll embrace him like this more often, it's a shame he have to snub her embrace for now. He opened the door and left her alone.

* * *

Fanelian soldiers and their Melefs are lined up in their frontier camp. Some of them are warming up, some are laughing, some are betting on how many soldiers they're gonna kill, and some a merely praying for their safe return to their families. Van finally arrived, but he's not in his Escaflowne, which astonished his soldiers. 

"You're not fighting Milord?" asked one of the soldiers.

"Allen Scheazar is leading the army, the scouts reported that they are headed here" one of the soldier reported to him.

"I think you cal handle them. I only have one order for all of you." He announced at his army, all for them are listening intently at him.

"Don't kill the Morian soldiers, knock them out, destroy their melefs, but don't slaughter them." there were violent reactions from his soldiers.

"That's insane?"

"how can we win if we won't wipe 'em out?"

"that's rubbish!"

"Don't talk back to the king you dirtbag!"

'SOLDIERS!" he called their attention. "I know that this is pretty hard for you, we lost and you want to get back at them. But what we can't afford bloodshed anymore, we have stained our souls, and I know that this must stop, as much as possible, I want this to be our last fight, so we could all go home, back to our-_families_" He saw Hitomi in his mind, he can take her back to Fanelia, he'll live with her, and start a family of his own.

"permission to speak sire." said a young soldier.

"go on."

"why not negotiate with them?" there was another blabbering among the soldiers, a lot of curses and boos.

"Yeah right!"

"We didn't train our ass off to negotiate, kiddo!" Van smiled at him.

"I did thought about it, but I don't think they're willing to give what I want from them. This is Allen Schezar we're talking about, he's as hardheaded as I am."

"who will lead the army?"

"I will." They all turned as saw Lionel.

"Lionel, you're too old for this war, you are here to plan strategies not to fight." Van objected.

"I may be old, but I'm not weak, I can still pilot a melef." Something tells him not to trust Lionel. But he do need someone to take his place.

"Are you sure about this?" Van said to him.

"I owe his majesty an apology to what I did to his guest." He slightly bowed before him.

"Alright. But like I said, I don't want any bloodshed."

"Of course."

* * *

"Hitomi." She looked at the window and saw Gaddes sitting on the windowpane. 

"Hi." He smiled at her.

"Have you had breakfast?" she offered him her own breakfast.

" No thanks, i already had some, I stole some form the kitchen. how are yeh?"

'_oh you know, had a little somethin' last night.' _

"Fine, though I don't have any information yet." She looked down and avoided his stare.

"what's with the face?" he jumped in and sat on the bed,

"Nothing, I guess I was just frustrated that's all." She picked up her goblet and drank.  
"Frustrated? You don't look like frustrated." He smiled at her. "you seem happy." He continued.

"happy?" she looked at him.

"there's a- how can I put this- 'spark' in your eyes." Hitomi chuckled.

"Spark? Really you're the last person I thought who would say that." She sat on the floor.

"where were you last night?" she tried to sound casual, if by any chance that he wasn't there last night.

"I was roaming around, you know, looking for some hints. Why? Did he do something to you?" she can see the concern in his face. She can feel the blood rushing in her face.

"Uhm, no- I was just- checking" it's a good thing she came up with an excuse before he noticed that she's acting so strange.

"I have orders from Allen."

"for me?"

"No, for me. He told me to take you back if there is something wrong."

"That's all?" she asked.

"yeah." There was a short silence between the two of them.

"it wasn't him." She said.

"Huh?"

"He didn't order my father's execution, it was his advisor, Lionel." Gaddes closed his eyes.

"so, you're retreating the mission?" he smiled at her. She didn't respond.

"It's alright Hitomi, do you think that I have no idea?" Hitomi looked at him.

"What?"

"You like Fanel, don't you?" he sneered at her.

"what the heck are-"

"don't worry, I'm not going to tell anyone."

"I-I don't know." She looked away.

"What do you mean you don't know?" he sat beside her.

"I'm not so sure." She sighed.

"I think you don't want to love him." She grimaced at him.

"Really what's with you today? First you predicted what I feel now you're giving love advices?"

"Listen to the pro, you may be good at swords, but I, I have knack for giving advises." He patted her back.

"You know you love somebody when you can't put into words how they make you feel." Hitomi stared at him for a few seconds.

"And I thought you are only obsessed with your daggers." She laughed at him.

"hey I'm serious! I'm only concern for you since you sound so confused when I asked you how you feel about him." He stood up.

"I understand how you feel, you feel guilty, because Allen helped you all your life, and you feel like you're betraying him for liking Fanel." He run his fingers through his hair and looked at her.

"two men are insanely in love with you. Fanel ordered his men not to slaughter anyone. I overheard his big speech. I gotta say, this guy seems serious about you. It's just up to you who you wanna be with." Gaddes winked at her as he left.

"up to me?" she sighed as she sits down on the bed.

'_Can't somebody just give me an order or something?'_

* * *

**A.N:** okay… sorry if it took me a millennium to update the story... but here you go.. Please review, the next chapter will be the battle between Morians lead by Allen, against Fanelian lead by Lionel... So Lionel will be doing some stupid things next chapter, any idea what the next chapter's title? Thanks a lot! 


	9. kismet

**Kismet**

_mystic mizu_

Grey ceiling covered the battle field, showering its rain over the battlefield. The melefs, standing tall in their positions, watch their enemies intently. Allen gazes at the Fanelian army. They're completely outnumbered, by men and by melefs. He noticed that Escaflowne is not on the scene. Insulted by the absence of their king, he walked a few steps forward and spoke.

"Where is your king?" his voice echoed through the battleground.

"I'm leading the army for today" said Lionel with a tone of pride in his voice. "The king assigned me to finish the job for him." He continued.

"Lionel." Allen whispered. He knows the name, not because of his greatness, but for his bad reputation during the last war. they say that he sacrificed a whole battalion as a trap to lure his enemy to attack them while they sneak behind his enemies.

"I see, you know my name." Lionel said.

"because of your poor reputation as a _knight."_ Allen's grip on his sword tightens, he knows that he might attack anytime.

"King Allen, my name shall be known to whole Gaea as the knight who destroy the famous Allen Schezar. I will conquer your country" he drew his sword and pointed it at him.

"And I intend to break through your walls today." he drew his sword and attacked Allen, the rest of the soldiers charged and attacked their foes.

As planned, Fanelians are simply knocking Morians out, but they weren't expecting so much stamina in them.

"man these soldiers are hardheaded." Exclaimed one of the soldiers.

Allen blocked all of Lionel's attacks. He clashed his sword against his. He noticed that he is weak, but very skillful. He heard rumors on how Lionel fights, they say that he always have some dirty tricks under his sleeves.

Allen charged at him, but Lionel pulled one of Morian melefs to cover himself.

"You are no knight! You have no honor, fight me like a true man you coward!" he yelled at him.

"I'll get my honor back when I become king." Lionel's sword pierced through the melef's abdomen and pushed him aside.

Allen charged once more and attacked him, but Lionel was able to block his attack. Lionel took a few steps backward when he blocked Allen's attack. But he managed to push Allen and pin him to the ground.

"I don't intend to become a true knight, King Allen, I intend to become a king." He raised his sword but before he could pierce it to Allen, someone stopped him.

"Lionel, the king's order is to destroy the melefs, he clearly commands us to-ugh!" Lionel stabbed him.

"Out of my way, lad." He pushed his lifeless melef aside. Allen took the opportunity to and disarmed him. He grabbed Lionel's sword and stabbed him through his shoulder, pinning him on the ground.

"He's your own soldier, you don't deserve to live." he aimed his sword at him.

"Go on, kill me, Allen Schezar, let's see if you have the guts to take life." He sneered at him. Allen drew back his sword.

"I knew it, you're weak, you can't even take a life, even if you have nothing to lose." Allen stepped on Lionel's melef.

"I won't let my hands get stained by a dishonorable man."

"I'll let your king pass your judgment. your nothing but a pathetic man" he walked away and called his men to retreat.

* * *

"I ordered you not to kill any Morian soldiers." He yelled at Lionel.

"It's a foolish order to make _your majesty._ If you haven't noticed, those soldiers were ordered to kill their enemy." Van grabbed his collar. "In war, it's to kill or be killed."

"I expect my soldiers to be strong enough to defend themselves, Lionel." Van glared at him

"it was a mistake letting you to lead my army." He pushed him to the ground.

"I think you're losing your touch, Van Fanel." He pushed himself up.

"I wonder what's the reason why you wouldn't let us kill those soldiers." He circled Van as he speaks.

"Not wanting bloodshed? What a joke. After attacking more than five countries you realize you don't want more bloodshed? I think I know what's the real reason." He face the soldiers.

"A Morian woman is sleeping in our king's room." He shouted over the soldiers. "and this woman is not just an ordinary woman, but a soldier of Moria. She is sent to pollute our king's mind, and our king is too weak to resist her beauty." There was a lot of murmuring from the crowd of soldiers behind him.

"I told him to use the prisoner to destroy Moria, but he didn't. he'd rather sacrifice Fanelia for the woman's love." He faced van again and pointed him.

"is this what you call a king?"

"Conquering those countries were your idea Lionel. You said that as my advisor, you think that if the country refuses to make alliance with Fanelia, we should force them to be one. It's true that a Morian woman is inside my room" He stared at his soldiers, "but she's a mere prisoner she means nothing else to me" by the looks on their faces, they seemed convinced by his words. "I ordered you not to kill anyone because I don't want you stain your souls as I stained mine."

"Lies." Lionel said, he drew his sword, but before he could even raise it, Van stabbed him. Still, Lionel managed to sneer and whispered "looks like she and I will meet at the afterlife." Van pulled his sword out of him and ran towards the castle. But he didn't know that Gaddes is watching them, hearing every word he said.

* * *

"Those bastards are destroying our beautiful forest." She told herself.

"How am I going to convince him?" She sighed. There was a loud bang on the door. The door was crashed down by a man is his middle fifties.

"SO you're Balgus' daughter? You little brat gave us some hard time finding you." Said Riyu. "killing your father is our only mission, unfortunately, you and your brother happen to be a threat to our mission." Hitomi recognized his face, he's the one of the four soldiers who killed his father.

"now I'm going to finish the job." He charged towards her, she docked but he managed to wound her arm. She kicked his abdomen and punched him on the nose. She tried to run, but he got hold of her wounded arm.

"you're not so strong without a sword now, are you?" he punched her in the stomach and threw her at the wall.

"But you're strong I have admit. That's one heck of a kick!" he kicked her on the abdomen. Her lip is cut, and her vision is blurred because her head hit the wall when he threw him. He pulled her hair and raised her head.

"Here's a little secret missy. This entire plot is Lionel's plan. I just happen to like it." He stood and raised his sword. A dagger suddenly pierced on his neck. Gaddes entered the room, pulled his dagger and help her get up.

"You okay? Man, Allen will kill me."

"I'm okay." She told him.

"GET AWAY FROM HER!" Van came. He pointed his sword at Gaddes. He looked at Riyu then back to Gaddes, then to Hitomi.

"It's okay Van, Gaddes is my friend." Van lowered his sword at once.

'C'mon Hitomi we're going home." Gaddes took hold of her hand and glared at Van. "there's no point of doing this anymore, we blew our cover." Hitomi looked at Gaddes, then to Van.

"so you're the guy she's talking to back at the dungeons." Van said.

"what?" Gaddes is bewildered at him.

"You knew?" Hitomi said. Van smiled at him.

"Who cares, he's just playing along Hitomi. I heard him saying that you're nothing but a prisoner." Hitomi stared at Van. Anger is filling her insides. Feeling so ashamed believing that he could love her back. He's just using her, to satisfy himself.

"Do you mind giving us a second?" Van said to Gaddes. It's a completely dumb request to ask to Gaddes. Of course, Gaddes did not move a muscle.

But Hitomi looked back at Gaddes, and with one look, Gaddes left.

"look, Lionel was convincing the soldiers to out throw me, I didn't mean what I said back there." Van held her hand.

"I ordered the solders not to kill any Morian, but Lionel disobeyed me. Then he pointed out that you were the reason why I don't want any Morian to get killed." His hold grew tighter and looked deep into her eyes, "and it's true, it's because of you."

"You knew our plan and didn't do anything. Why?" she stared blankly at him, trying not to make any expression at all.

"I thought I could make you change your plans, and make you stay with me." He ran his fingers through her hair.

Now is the time for her to make her decision and she knows it. Outside of this room, Gaddes is waiting fro her, if she goes out, she comes home, if she stays, she'll be an enemy of her own country.

"Go." Van said.

"what?" Van cupped her face, closed the gap between the two of them and claimed her lips.

"Go home, you belong there. I know you'd rather be with the people you know." He let go of her hands.

"Gaddes, she's ready to go." He called out and Gaddes came in.

**AN: **again, sorry for the late update.. Please review!


	10. Crestfallen

Crestfallen chap 10

**Crestfallen**

_mystic mizu_

He let her go. Just like that. Even though they're half way back to Moria, his words kept ringing in her mind _"Go home, you belong there. I know you'd rather be with the people you know." _Before he was all "You'll be happy in Fanelia" or "trust me". Then suddenly, he let her go, just like that. Maybe it's for the best, this way, she doesn't have to deal with the shame of turning her back on her own country for a man, an enemy, her love.

"Are you okay back there?" Gaddes asked. She sunk into her thoughts that she almost forgot that she's with Gaddes.

"I'm fine." She replied. But Gaddes knows that she's not. When Van decided to let her go, he realized that he misjudged him. He sacrificed his own happiness, for hers.

There was no talking since they left Van's camp. Hitomi's not in the mood for talking, on the other hand, Gaddes can't think of a word to say. Finally a thought came up.

"So, did-did you get any information about the-uhm…"

"the Fanelian's weakness?" she finished his sentence for him.

"yeah." He whispered.

"No not a clue. I've been there for days but I failed." She sighed.

"maybe we should save the talking for later." Of all the things to talk about he had to pick the one that has something to do with Van. Feeling a bit ashamed of what he did, he ended the discussion.

"I have a lot of things to explain to him." She leaned her head against his back and closed her eyes. "I disobeyed him, and I have to suffer for it." She continued.

"It's not like he'll lock you up in the dungeon." He chuckled.

"You know what I mean."

"Yeah I know of course. Come to think of it, I think you're in love with Fanel." He felt a sudden shudder from her.

"Don't be silly." She whispered. But he knows that she's trying to keep herself from admitting that she's in love with Van, and not with Allen. They both decided to not to talk about it until they reach the castle.

* * *

When they reached the castle the soldiers are all running and preparing for battle.

"What the heck is going on?" Gaddes helped Hitomi get off the horse.

"Kio!" he grabbed Kio who's just happen to pass by.

"Gaddes, huh? General, you're back!" he smiled at Hitomi.

"What's going on?" Gaddes asked.

"Fanelians are going to attack, we just saw their melefs preparing for battle."

"What? Two attacks on one day? They really want to take us down."

"how many melefs do we have left?" Hitomi asked. Gaddes was surprised to hear her speak like she was back to herself, like a general, like the Hitomi he knew before the war. Giving commands and asking for their status.

"Let's see, with the king's melef, there are, three" Kio sighed hopelessly.

"What about my melef?" she asked.

"Your melef? We can't risk it, it might blow up while you're in it. The energist was malfunctioning the last time we were testing it." Hitomi ran to the castle before Kio could finish his explanation.

"What? Are you crazy?" Gaddes grabbed her arms before she was able to enter the castle.

"Where do you think you're going?"

"Into my room, to get my father's sword."

"And what are you going to do with it?"

"To cook with it" she said with a tone of sarcasm. "To go to war of course."

"No you're not, you're going to stay here." He said firmly and almost sounded like her father.

"Gaddes, I have to think of a way to defeat them."

"There's no need for that." Her heart felt like it dropped down to her stomach when she heard his voice. She slowly turned her head, and there he was, standing behind her. "you should take a look at this, come." He waited for her to walk first, but she could feel her legs, she couldn't figure out what to say to him, or what to feel. Then she felt a slight push on her back from Gaddes. It was like she was pulled to reality, when she noticed that Allen was waiting for her, she hastily walked in front of him.

He led them to the veranda of the castle, where they can see the Fanelian camp. But they're not preparing for battle, they're leaving, retreating the war.

"This is good news for us, right?" Gaddes said cheerfully. "I'll go tell the men." Gaddes left them alone.

It seems like finding the words to say is hard for the both of them. They both stared at the Fanelians who are starting to leave.

"Are you hurt?" he suddenly asked.

"nothing serious." She replied. It's like talking to stranger. Short replies, awkward silence, and stolen glances. She suddenly felt a warm hand enclosing hers. Allen opened her hand and placed her necklace with a blood red pendant on her hand.

"I was surprised when Gaddes told me that you asked him to give it to me." He closed her hand with his. "It's important to you right? I'm giving it back to you." He reached for his pocket and pulled out a ring. "Together with this." And he put the ring on her finger.

"_I'm not sure if I'll return, this might take a while, I don't want him to expect too much. Tell him that I will, if ever I get back."_ She did tell Gaddes to tell him that she will marry him if she gets back. And now that she's home, to where she belongs, to where she must be. But she betrayed him, she had an affair, with Van, with their enemy. Will he still accept her, despite the wrong things he had done to him?

'_don't be ridiculous, he won't forgive you.' _Even forgiving herself is hard to do.

"Allen I have to-" but Allen sealed her lips with his own. She can feel his arms tightly wrapped around her waist, and the other is cupping her face.

"You don't have to explain anything, you're here now." Allen was about to walk away when Hitomi grabbed his arms and looked straight into his eyes.

"Allen, you have to know."

"Hitomi, whatever happened back there, I don't care anymore." He took hold of her hands. "you're here now, you're back _home_" he ran his fingers through her hair.

"You look exhausted, why don't you take a rest? There's no need for you to stress over the repairs and constructions, we'll handle it tomorrow. We all could use a day off." And Allen walked away. It's true, she is tired. It took some time for her to realize that there's no need for her to stay alert since she's safe now.

And maybe in her dreams, she'll fade away, and forget every worries she has, it will be better if she won't wake up. She will never have to deal with the feelings of guilt, anger, and depression.

She made her way to her room and slept.

* * *

When she woke up, it's already dawn, she's facing the balcony of her room when she opened her eyes, and there's a silhouette of man standing, his hands are on the ledge supporting his stand. With one look, she quickly recognized who he is. He did this many times before. And sometimes, she will find him beside her, sleeping.

She pushed herself up and sat still on her bed. She rubbed her eyes and yawned.

'_I can't believe it, I'm home.' _

"You're up early." Allen said softly. She stood and joined him at the balcony.

"You too." She answered.

"It's nice to see you back. I've missed you." He put his hand on her shoulder and pulled her closer. She held his hand that was holding her, then she pushed herself up and sat on the ledge but didn't let go of his hand.

"Allen, this might not be the good thing to say to start your morning but I don't think I can calm myself knowing that you still don't know." It's hard to talk with that sincere look on his face. Those calm blue eyes and sincere small smile printed on his face.

"When I was back there, Va- the King of Fanelia and I, we-" she can feel that his hands are holding tighter and tighter onto hers.

"I think I know what you're trying to say, and I don't think I want to hear the rest." Still that sincere smile is shown on his face, on the other hand she is almost in tears.

"There's no need to cry over it, I'm not mad at you. I'm a little disappointed I suppose." He cupped her face and looked at her green eyes.

"But it doesn't mean that I don't love you anymore." He kissed her forehead and embraced her.

**A.N**: okay so this is hitomi's feelings about everything, the next chapter will be Van's. There will be two more chapters left, thank you for reading my fic, and for those who reviewed my work, thank you for the encouragement.


	11. Answers

Even his soldiers are confused with his sudden decisions

**Answers**

_mystic mizu_

Even his soldiers are confused with his sudden decisions. Killing Lionel who's been there since his birth, and out of the blue, retreating the war that he began, without knowing the reason why. It's been days since they began traveling back home. He refused to be in the carriage and instead, he rode his horse, without talking to anyone. One night, Merced finally managed to corner him in his tent.

"That girl really got into you." She said as she laid his dinner on a small table in front of him. He was surprised that she abruptly talked about Hitomi.

"What?" He decided to act innocent to cover his true feelings about the situation.

"Hitomi, the Morian girl. I can see that you've changed since you met her." She fixed his bed as she talked. Van looked at her, he was surprised with Merced. She sounded as if she wants Hitomi to be his wife, not to mention that she was their enemy, while she thought that there's no Fanelian girls are good enough for him.

"Hitomi huh? She didn't influence me to change or anything, freeing myself from Lionel's shadow changed everything about me." he took the wine and drank.

"And that girl helped you realize it." Van smiled at his reflection on the wine.

"yeah a bit." He whispered. Though all this talk about Hitomi makes him want to be with her more.  
"That girl reminds me of someone." She laid some pillow on the top of the bed.

"Really? Who?" He watched her as he took another drink.

"Balgus." Surprised with her unexpected answer, Van choked on his wine.

"Balgus? The legendary swordsman? You've got to be joking." He wiped off the wine that splattered on his chest and face.

"She might not look like him, but the fierce look in her eyes, her stance and her moves, exactly like his." A small smile was shown on her face.

"What are you trying to say?" Van didn't take his eyes off of her.  
"That girl asked me if I know something about Balgus, and when I told her that Balgus went home after he decline the offer to teach you, She seemed frustrated with what she had heard."

"Where are you going with this?" Merced turned and faced him.

"I heard that Balgus has a daughter and a son. That girl told me that Balgus and his children were killed. But what if the daughter survived?"

"Wait, are you saying that she is Balgus' daughter?" he chuckled, on the other hand Merced didn't seem to find it funny.

"It's possible, Balgus was living in the woods near Moria with his family"

"There's no way to prove it, and if it's true, it has nothing to do with us."

"Yes it does, it seems like she have this great hate in Fanelia, don't you think that it has something to do with Fanelia? With Lionel?"

"Lionel? Yeah I remember that Lionel asked Balgus to teach me swordsmanship, but he refused, so he taught me himself. After that, I haven't heard of Balgus since." She remembered what Hitomi told her when they first had dinner.

"_my father died, ambushed because he refused to teach a rich kid, and my brother saved me from being caught by wood robbers, but they killed him"_

"I was the rich kid?" he was unaware that he said it out loud.

"Pardon?" said Merced.

"She told me, that her father was killed because he refused to teach some rich kid, I just realized that maybe, I was the rich kid." He ran his fingers through his hair.

'_No wonder she hated me so much, she must've thought that I ordered her father's assassination it's hopeless.' _He sighed.

"well, maybe you're not." Merced suggested.

"thanks for trying making me feel better. But no that I think about it, maybe I am the reason why his father is dead." He rested his elbow onto his lap and covered his face with his hands.

"No you're not, Lionel is." a small sincere smile on Merced face made him feel a bit less guilty.

"Well, I'm going to leave you to have some rest, tomorrow, we'll be back home." Merced left. Van stood up lazily and threw himself at bed.

'_there's no way she'll believe me. What am I thinking? One thing's for sure, I don't have the courage to walk through the gates of Moria to get her. Before I can even set foot on their land, I think an arrow will be shot at me.' _He grabbed a pillow and covered his face.

"I have to listen to the one who wants to overthrow me." He sighed. He removed the pillow and stood up. He walk out of the tent, all of his men are asleep. The campfire is still burning. He looked up in the sky, the moon, the blue moon, as well as the stars are shinning brightly. It's been a long time since he had a chance to watch the stars.

"_You don't know what I went through." _ She told him once. He realized that maybe, that's her excuse for acting that way, it's so hard for her to trust someone. Probably, _no one _even cared for her.

'_There's no need for me to worry about her, the last thing I said to her is to go back home. Maybe, maybe that's the right thing to do. Tomorrow, everything will go back to normal. I don't have to remember this war. Except that, I have to remember that I must finance some of the construction of the countries I destroyed. Maybe all those problems will take my mind off of her.' _

The next morning, his army was up early, all excited to see their homeland, and especially, their families. As for Van, the first thing that he has to do is to sign a peace treaty with the other countries and release their prisoners of war. After being away from home for almost three months, he finally saw his country's lush forest, the gates of Fanelia, and of course, the warm smiles and welcome of his people.

When the gates opened, there was a loud cheer from the waiting crowd behind it. His men hastily approached their wives and completely forgot that they still have to escort Van to the castle. It didn't bother him, it's not like someone will ambush him.

Above the noise, he heard a familiar voice. His childhood friend, Merle.

"Lord Van!" Van hastily approached her, Merle leapt and gave him a big hug.

"I was so worried about you, everyday I prayed to the gods to keep you safe. Thank goodness." Merle licked his cheek and cried on his chest.

"Hey I'm home now, okay? I promise I will never leave you again." Merle was like his little sister, beside from Merced, Merle is one of the people he considered family (he used to consider Lionel too, except that, well you know what happened).

"We were surprised when we received the news that you were on your way home. Did something happen?" Merle wrapped her arms around Van's arm as they made their way to the castle.

"A lot of things happened; the first thing that I have to do is help those countries that I damaged."

"Take it easy Lord Van, you just got home, I'm sure you had a busy and tiring journey. You must rest." Merle accompanied him to his room and left him to rest.

'_The last thing I need is rest.' _He got up and called a conference with his council and military officials.

After the meeting, information about Lionel's plot and Balgus' assassination, were proved. A lot of his officials were blackmailed and threatened. Turns out that Lionel did order Balgus' execution. Some of them knew that he was about to kill Van once they conquer Moria. He fired some of his official. It was a tough day, but at least it kept him busy. And maybe tomorrow he'll do the same thing, and the next day and the next day, until he completely erase Hitomi off of his mind.

Unfortunately, after all the busy work and stressing complaints, he can't keep his eyes shut. Every time he closes them, he can see Hitomi's face, her green eyes, her small smile, her golden brown hair, everything, it seems like he painted her face in his mind. He sighed.

"maybe fresh air will help me clear my mind." He told himself. He climbed up to the roof, where he usually sit when he was child. He laid his back on the roof and looked up in the sky.

'_I'll make it up to you, Mother, Father, Folken. I must concentrate on my people, and I'll listen to them, not to my advisors. You'll see." _His thought was disturbed when he heard some footsteps and scratching. Merle followed him up the roof and joined him.

"What are you doing up here?" she asked.

"Nothing, I was… thinking, setting my priorities." Merle hugged his arm.

"Merced told me everything, Lionel, and Riyu, and about _Hitomi." _Van wasn't so surprised that Merced will tell her everything that happened during the war. She probably annoyed Merced to tell her everything.

"Really? What did she say?"

"She told me that you love her." Not the answer he was expecting.

"What?!" he said hysterically.

"And frankly, I think it's true." There's this devilish grin on her face that usually mean"don't deny it! I can see right through your eyes."

"How can you tell?" he said. "I can't even tell the difference between attraction and love. How would you know that I love her?"

"It's simple, you can't stop thinking about her." Van looked at her. He can see that she was happy for him.

"I've been with you for a long time, I see you flirt with girls, but you were not troubled when you forget that their names. But I can see that you're trying to keep yourself busy just to try not to think of her." It was weird for him, like she can read her mind.

"yeah, maybe I do love her." He smiled at himself, feeling the ache that he admits that he loves her, yet he can't be with her.


	12. Gaddes's Advise

**Gaddes's Advise **

_mystic mizu_

**AN: **I'm really really really really sorry for almost six months delay. I know you will hate me but I take back what I said from the previous chapter that this will be the last, there will be another one, I swear I'm working on it and I will update before the sembreak ends. Well, here you go.

She stayed in her room since the war ended, away from the noise, trying to escape from all the guilt that she's in. She stands at the veranda waiting for the sunset. This usually helps her forget her worries, but not this time.

'_There's no need to cry over it, I'm not mad at you. I'm a little disappointed I suppose. But it doesn't mean that I don't love you anymore.' _It kept on ringing in her head, over and over again, even in her dreams, she can hear these exact same words Allen told her. It's like they're eating her slowly and torturing her with remorse.She sighed. Does it have to be this hard? He did tell him that he still loves her. She's doing the right thing, this is the right thing, to be here in Moria, to marry Allen, to serve her people

_"I thought I could make you change your plans, and make you stay with me."_ he knew the plan yet he kept her with him. he wanted her to change, to love him back. She sighed as she looks at the sunset. The silence was broken by a soft knock on the door.

"Hey" Gaddes came in and sat on her bed.

"I don't remember telling you to that you can come in" She said without looking back at him.

"What's with the attitude? Woke up on the wrong side of the bed?" he chuckled. It faded when she glared back at him.

"Don't you think it's too early for you to frown, or hurt me?" he laughed nervously.

"What do you want?" she asked coldly. Gaddes closed his eyes and smiled.

"It's not me, the men misses their Commander, they want you to join them to celebrate the end of the war." Gaddes grinned at her, but she didn't even look back at him.

"Fanel signed a treaty. He also retreat his army from all over Gaea." Hitomi glanced back at him for a second. "I knew the sound of his name will pull you back to Gaea." he said teasingly. She shot her an "i will kill you" look and made him quiet.

"Good, he should, after the damage he caused." She answered as if she wasn't surprised at all. But deep inside, she was surprised and happy at the same time.

"How long are you planning on acting like this?" Gaddes stood up and walked towards her. She simply glanced at him in reply.

"Allen and I know you better than anyone in this kingdom." He stood beside her and placed his hand on top of her head.

"And right now, I know what's bothering you so badly." He pulled her head and laid it on his chest.

"I know, even if you don't say it, I can tell." a tear fell down on her cheek.

"If you want to be with him, why don't you?" she chuckled, wiped her cheek and freed herself from his hold.

"You're weird today." she rested her elbows on the balcony. "I thought you were going to say 'it's gonna be fine, you'll forget about him, you belong here'" He pat her back and headed for the door.

"That's because you're no longer a child. Besides, who am I to make the decisions for you, General?" he opened the door and left.

"Retired General" she whispered to herself.

* * *

"Okay new day! New life, new work!" Merle ran as she opened all the curtains in Van's room. Van groaned and covered his face with pillow next to him. Merle have been dealing with this attitude of his since he came back. Lately, he just kept himself busy and avoiding answering her questions about Hitomi. But then, she decided to drop it and help him move on.

"Come on Lord Van, it's time to meet the representatives sent by countries all over Gaea." Van pushed himself up and yawned. Suddenly, it felt like someone hit him with hammer on his head.

"Merle, close the curtains." he covered his eyes from the bright light that's coming from the window.

"Why? It's a great morning."

"My head hurts" he massages his temple as he got up from his bed.

"Why wouldn't it?" Merle picked up an empty bottle from the floor. "You finished another bottle last night. Are you sure you can do this? There are like six representatives outside."

"I'll do my best, I'll be out in a minute. I just need to fix myself." Merle stared at him with concern.

"I'll be fine." Van smiled to reassure her. Merle smiled back and left.

He wondered if there is someone who came as representative of Moria. It's been almost a month since he pulled his army back, almost a month since he last saw her, and almost a month since he started to miss her. He shook his head and went to the bathroom.

He went to the meeting with an empty stomach and a throbbing head. He knows that if there will be too much noise and awkward questions, he might lose his temper and do something stupid. He took a deep breath as he entered the room.

He took a quick scan of the room. There are six well dressed men in the room. One of his council men approached him and whispered "They are representative from Asturia, Asram, Egzardia, Freid, Daedalus and Basram."

'_Moria didn't send any anyone?' _

He realized that these were the countires that were terribly destroyed by his war. He was unable to enter the walls of Moria. But somehow, he was expecting that she will come.

* * *

It was a long day, sitting in one room and spending the whole day listening to the representatives' report on their constructions. He thought that it'd be better if he just visited the countries himself. Maybe that way, he'll have a reason to come to Moria.

'_Why can't I let it go?' _he sighed

"Lord Van?" Merle entered his room.

"A representative from Moria just arrived." Van jumped out of his bed.

"Moria?" he can feel his heart thumping.

"He said that he needs to see you know."

'_He.' _The excitement turned to disappointment.

"Wait! you can't enter the King's room without his permission." They can hear footsteps outside the door.

"Don't worry, I know the king personally." Gaddes entered the room. He bowed when his eyes met Van.

"I'm sure you remember me." Van remembers him well, he was the one who look over Hitomi when he held her in captive.

"Hitomi's friend." he spoke softly. Van looked at Merle, she knows this look. She nodded and left the room.

"I'm not here for the financial support for the reconstructions in our country. I'm here for two things."

"How is she?" he was surprised, he didn't intend to ask this question. Gaddes simply smiled.

"She's fine. Now, I'm here to give King Allen's thanks for your contribution to repair the damages that the war caused in our country. The other one-" This time Gaddes voice and expression changed, he became serious.

"Is about Hitomi." Van looked at him.

"Hitomi is engaged to Allen." Van's mouth slightly opened at the news.

"I thought that you should know that before you take any actions from what I'm about to say to you." He was surprised to hear that there's more from his news.

"Hitomi's family was killed by your soldiers."

"I had nothing to do with that. Lionel ordered that with out informing me."

"I know, and she knows too." He smiled at him.

"Hitomi is like my sister, and it kills me to see her down." Van looked at him with surprise.

"Yes, she's feeling empty since she got back. Hate to admit it but maybe she found the love she's looking for in you. It's up to you to fight for her or not." Van was unaware that a small smile is shown on his face.

"And by your expression I'm guessing you feel the same way for her." Van closed his eyes and sighed.

"Who am I to take her from her home? I want to, but I can't take her away from the place she knew. I'm afraid that she'll be unhappy here." Gaddes scratched his head.

"A home doesn't mean a place with four concrete walls. A home is an abstract where you feel safe and loved. I know I know, it's not me to talk about this kind of stuff." he was annoyed when he saw Van's reaction that tells him that he finds it weird for a soldier to talk about this kind of stuff. Gaddes sighed.

"Just talk to her okay? You need to talk about a lot of things and I know you need to tell her something too." He started to walk towards the door.

"But she's engage." Gaddes heard him and looked back.

"You're not the only one who loves her and wants to protect her at all cost." he opened the door. "However, that man who loves her, he's willing to let her go, if that will make her happy." He closed the door and left him wondering.


	13. New Day

**New Day**

_mystic mizu_

Hitomi Kanzaki is the daughter of the Legendary Swordsman Balgus. When she was seven, her family was killed by a group of Fanelian soldiers lead by Fanelia's royal advisor Lionel. Because of this, a great hatred towards Fanelia grew inside of her. Allen Schezar, king of Moria and Gaddes found her in the forest and took care of her ever since. And since then, she committed herself to her country and to Allen.

That's what she believed for the past fifteen years.

Now that she's back from the war, a lot of things have changed. The King of Fanelia has nothing to do with her father's assassination. Van Fanel, the man whom she thought that caused her a lot of pain, changed everything that she believed and everything about her.

For the past four weeks after the war, it's been the struggle between her responsibilities and her heart. She resigned her position to prepare herself for her marriage. Before she left for the war, all she could wish for is to spend her life with the man who took care of her, but now, she's having doubts.

All these thoughts make her mind restless and uneasy. Even in her dreams all she can see is two roads, with Moria at the end of one road, and Van on the other. And whenever she's about to take one step to Moria, she's always waken by a sudden "jolt" on her leg.

This morning is different from the past daybreaks she had. This time, she thought, would be the best day to pull herself together and set her mind on returning to her original self. A woman who is dedicated to her country.

'_This is a new day' _she thought. Today, the whole kingdom will celebrate because all the reconstruction of Moria is done.

She got up, put her robes on and went down to the garden to get some fresh air. She always watches the beauty of sunrise to calm her mind. She was hoping to be alone in the garden, but someone whom she's not expecting to be there is standing there, gazing at the horizon.

Since she came home from war, she and Allen had never had a conversation that has nothing to do with the war. The last time that they talked was when she resigned her position. He didn't asked why, but merely approved it. She can still remember the awkward feeling of telling him.

'_You're resigning?' Allen said. He's sitting behind his desk fingers intertwined with each other and elbows rested on the table._

'_Yes.' She kept an eye contact between them for him to see that she's dead serious on her decision. They stared at each other for a couple of minutes before Allen spoke again._

"_If that is your wish" Allen closed his eyes and smiled_

He made everything look so easy, but the more Allen tries to take the burden off her shoulders, the more she felt heavier inside full of guilt and anxiety. It makes her sick of herself knowing that he's trying to make her feel better but in return, she hid herself from him. With all her might, she stood her ground, determined to make an impression to him that she wants to be around him, but with in second, uneasiness reign over bravery. She turned and stepped on a twig that broke in half and made a small cracking sound.

"Hitomi?" It will be incredibly stupid if she pretend not to notice him she thought. She slowly faced him with a small smile.

"Morning." she said soflty. Allen looked at her with complete sincerity in his calm blue eyes. He reached out his hand, she walked forward and took it. She slowly stroked her hair and gently slid down his fingers on her cheek, down to her chin, then to her shoulders. She closed her eyes, this reminded her how she felt safe with Allen by her side.

"I wonder-" She opened her eyes and saw deep grief in his eyes "-if this is what you really want." At last, she broke down and cried.

"I-I don't-"

"Do you feel like you owe your life to me?" he cupped her face and softly wiped her tears with his thumb. "Is that what's holding you back?"

"No-" She took his hand off her face. She turned her back on him and fixed herself. She can't stand looking this pathetic to anyone. The next thing knew, two strong arms are wrapped around her from behind, one across her shoulder, and one across her abdomen. "Everything that you are now, is all because of you and you alone. The great person you've become is because you faced your everyday trials on your own. I had nothing to do with it, you don't owe me anything."

He leaned his head on her shoulders and whispered "I just- I want you to be happy. The world took everything you love from you, your family, your home-" he took a deep breath and sighed "It's your chance to be happy. And even if it means leaving Moria-" his hold of her tightens "-I will accept it." He slowly released her and gently faced her to him. He wiped her damped face and smiled. He leaned forward and pressed his lips against hers only for a few seconds.

"You might not admit it to yourself but I know where your heart truly lies." He gave her a small smile and left.

"-where my heart truly lies." She watched him as he walked towards the palace.

Since Gaddes left right after their talk, he was left alone in his room pondering over the discussion they had. He found it hard to believe that she's in grief because they were separated. He always thought that she'd be happy to be back at her home. She always talked so highly about Allen, she doesn't let anyone insult him and to be engage to him, is like a dream come true for her. He decided to go for a fresh air to clear his mind and make the right decision.

_To strip her away from her home is cruel, will she be happy with me? _

Unaware of it, he found himself in front of the horse stables. He chuckled.

"I guess that's it then."

"Where have you been?" She stood there, her arms on her waist and one eyebrow raised. Gaddes, who came from a "trip", finished feeding the horse he used and looked astern and smiled.

"I see you're back to your normal bossy-smug-confident-stupidly-brave-self." He grabbed his pack and stood in front of her.

"You can't just leave the country without informing anyone. Allen gave you my position and you ought to do a great job since you worked with me before. You don't level yourself with these maggots over there that're stuck cleaning horseshoe their entire life." A few of her former crewmen guffawed and a few protested.

"C'mon Gen! Don't level us with Kio here!"

"Hey!" Kio protested.

"I'm not your general anymore, so you can talk back to me scumbag." she sniggered back.

"Yeah but for old time's sake." said Teo. "After all, you made us all look as good as Knights of Caeli of Asturia." she smiled at him.

"OH come off it! It's too early to sob over these things!" Kio threw a handful of mud at Teo who easily avoided it. "We'll have a celebration tonight! We finally finished rebuilding our houses. Hope we'll see you there Gen."

Hitomi smiled. "I'll try." She turned and saw Gaddes smiling at her. She returned the smile, strange that she suddenly feels-refreshed.

It was a fine day for a celebration, everything looked so revived. Newly painted houses, laughing children and green trees stood underneath the clear blue sky. Then she realized, all of her anxieties that's clouding her mind, and weighing her insides were gone.

'_It's all clear to me now' _

"Did you and Allen talk?" Gaddes asked. Hitomi looked at him confused.

"What made you think that?" Surely, she knows that he can tell what she's thinking, it's still a mystery to her how he does it.

"That smile of yours." said Gaddes. She just realized that she was unconsciously smiling. She chuckled. "Okay you got me."

"What did he say?" There was a long silence before she answered "That's between Allen and I." Gaddes scowled.

"Fine, you wouldn't tell me even if I protest a thousand times." she smiled.

"You've gone for three days, where've you been?" Gaddes gave her a devilish smile and answered "That's between me and- my horse apparently." Hitomi chuckled.

"That's fair." She opened a new topic as they headed to the palace. On their way, they passed Allen who's talking to a half wolf half man.

"This is Ruhm of Arzas." Allen introduced him. Ruhm gave a small bow as a sign of respect, Hitomi and Gaddes did the same. "He brings message from Fanelia."

"Not message actually, it's more of a- package." Then he took out a long package under his cloak. "It's for the Lady Hitomi from King Fanel." He handed the package to Hitomi. She carefully unwrapped it; it was her sword.

"My sword, I completely forgot I left it there." she stared blankly at her sword. She remembered that time they dueled. She can remember clearly the day they dueled using this sword. She was completely disgusted with him when he cut her corset off. So she cut off his clothes too but in the end, he respected her and gave him a cloak to cover herself.

"My business here is done, I must be off." said Ruhm.

"You've had a long journey, stay for the night, we're having a feast. We'll be delighted if you can come." said Allen.

"Thank you, but I must return, there's a lot to be done." Ruhm gave a small bow and turned.

"At least, let me give you some supply for your journey." Allen looked at Gaddes silently instructing him to give Ruhm the supply. Ruhm gave another bow and left leaving Allen and Hitomi alone.

"How are you feeling?" She wasn't anticipating the question at all. She thought that after their talk, it will be more awkward to be alone with each other.

"Much better." she said. She looked up and smiled at him. "Thank you."

"For what?"

"For giving me a chance." She faced him "I've made my decision…"

It's been three days since he left Fanelia. Before he left, he asked Merle to list down everything that happened in Fanelia and made a promise that he will take care of everything when he returns. He wasn't sure if she'll come with him, all he knows is that he'll regret if he won't try. His lips are dry whenever the idea of rejection comes to his mind. But whatever happens he's determined to tell her. Then suddenly a dagger came flying right at him. He jumped off the horse and drew his sword.

"Come out!" All he can hear is the gush of wind and rustling leaves. Then he heard a twig cracked at his left. He swiftly threw his sword and it a tree.

"Throwing your weapon then missing your target-" Out of the darkness of the woods, a young girl with short brown hair, and jade eyes stepped out and pulled his sword from the tree. "-is a terrible mistake." his eyes widened when he caught a clear view of the person he threw his sword at.

"You must've had a terrible master." he chuckled.

"I bet you had a great one." he said. "What are you doing here?" He added.

"I'm supposed to be asking that question, you're in the forest of Moria." She handed him his sword.

"I see" he doesn't know were to start. He can't believe he'd been troubling himself with the rejection and didn't even plan where to begin.

"I was on my way to Fanelia." Apparently she's prepared. "To-well, to see you actually." She couldn't look at him in the eyes. She took a deep breath and looked directly in his scarlet eyes. Once her eyes set upon his, she couldn't help but to get lost in his deep serene look.

"There are things that I need to say to you." Mixed emotions are filling up her insides, both tension and desire are flowing.

"Well-"

"Before you say anything-" he cut her sentence and held her hands. The last thing she wants to happen at the moment is to feel his gentle hands, because she knows that when he does this, she almost forget everything, cause as he said before, when they're together, there's nothing, else but them. "-I just want you to know, that I had nothing to do with your father's death. I hope you believe me."

"I believe you." There's a small smile on her face that she's unaware of.

"Why- why did you still see me every night when I was with you, when you knew that I was spying on you?" it wasn't clear to her when he answered her before.

"Because, I want to make you change your mind, but the way you talked about your country, how you loved your country made me think, that I can never take you away from the thing that you love." he cupped her face and tucked a few locks of her hair behind her ear. "I didn't let you go because I don't want you, I let you go cause I want you to be in a place where you like the most." there was a long silence before Hitomi spoke. She held his hand on her face and closed her eyes.

"Lately, I realized that the place I want to be is beside you, to be with you." Van's heart is beating fast. He can't express how happy he is. He leaned forward and claimed her lips. He longed for her, the weeks without her felt like years. He closed the gap between them and wrapped his arms around her. He let go of her lips and looked deep into her eyes. They smiled at each other.

No words are need to be said.

**AN:** there you go!

Thanks to: **Wing Goddes, thepinkmartini, green amethyst, jossi-31, kiches sarjilian, Inda, Arienhod, Sakura Kaoru-Chan, Lily-Petal, Domini-chan, Neily, killua, sousie, laloner, yoo rin, Missing White Wings15, SinnerStar, f-zelda, Aga, Avian Intrepid, EarthSong002, Pretty Much A Big Deal, Sailordeedlit, Shadowwolf403, chocolate chip 6891, ilmarien81, starlight-set-me-free, Hobbiosa, Kahoko, MysticMaiden 18, story junky, TheGig, blue-rosey, jk501, romantic flowerpot, sc1986 **for the faves, reviews, and alerts.

For:JC, Marielle,


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